The Gift of Love Andrea Recinos
And I find myself running.
Legs aching yet reaching the point of numbness, I continue moving forward. You see, I'm not at all running from anything but instead towards someone, towards a feeling I have dreaded in the past yet now have come to crave it.
I'm not sure if this is due to the Italian countryside scenario I found myself in. Golden-filled planes and a warm breeze from the cloudless blue skies surround me. It is the most breathtaking and peaceful place a human will be privileged enough to see. The immense grin painted on my face is a result of that feeling I hadn't had a taste of. Not even the creases that reside in my face or my elderly appearance will withhold that youthful fire within me I had to put out at home.
Home, the place where I once was an actor of a sorrowful grey-screen play. I would be lying if I said I remembered picture-perfect what it was like living there, maybe it's my age or I just chose not to. I can tell you I had become more of a burden than a child, and I was a stranger to my own feelings. Never getting the chance to be me, rather a silent dusky shadow roaming the solemn halls of those 4 walls that caged us. Us... rather condemned people within it to be a family, every day waking up to be part of a noisy menagerie of foreigners. It is safe to say I never belonged.
I despised it and to this day resent every ticking minute I was forced to live in that place I had to call "home".
But in every darkness there is light, every flower grows to become a blooming work of art, winter ends making way for spring to come, any child eventually becomes an adult, and for me... well my salvation was none other than coming to age. Surviving those childhood years was a sure struggle and now it was my time to break the chains that once tied me there and flee.
I knew I would never be able to hide from any of that past life, not the place, not the people, not even the memories but I learned to live with that bitter pill, I learned to swallow it.
Yet there was one thing I could do and that was run. Not jog, not even at a passive pace but part without a trace. For once leaving became the sudden hope for my life, a chance to experience life as once should and speak my name without a drop of fear. I'm not a coward for doing it but simply a soul that's begging to be reignited with deep emotions only found within that world we've been so deprived of.
It's fair to say that I have gotten a taste of that sweet sweet life everyone longs for.
I've flown across dense virid verdures of forests whose animals reign with freedom, perfect and effortless handcrafted dunes of rock powder, brightly blank piles of frozen water, and towering peaks of dirt. I would even consider myself an explorer, an adventurous being eager for the thrill of life. I've come across evil, sinister, immoral beings, and entities but I've become the flesh and blood testimony of how vibrant living can actually be for those who dare to live it.
I seem to be here, running, panting. Back in the Italian countryside I have claimed and given a new meaning of home. Towards... love. A broad yet very specific word many aren't privileged enough to know yet claim to have felt it.
I claim to be one of those ignorant souls devoted to finding it, feeling it, tasting it.
It is definitely difficult to find but as soon as you realize where it is found you won't get enough of it.
I wouldn't consider myself a gatekeeper so I see no problem as to sharing where I found my source of love. Not only am I doing this to help those who were seized of it, but to give hope to the ones who are losing it, those who are about to press that "OFF" button.
Take it or leave it, after all, I'm just an old veteran, I'm starting to fade and that is the only thing I can't escape from, the eternal rest.
So, here it goes. Stop looking for it. If your goal is to truly find it, stop looking around you, you won't find it and no one can give it to you. Instead, look within, you will notice love has been there all along. Remember that day when it was so hard to wake up as it felt as if sadness had glued you to bed yet you still got up? That was love. Remember that time when they left and it hurt so bad but you still kept moving on? That was love. You are a being of love but we tend to ignore it or disregard it for people, situations or life itself but as soon as you find that never-ending love resides within you... life will change. You will be giving life your meaning but also will be craving that feeling we've been so honored to be awarded.
I can say that I've found mine, it was a lengthy process but never an impossible one. I've given myself what I deserve and even gotten greater things out of it. I have explored the deepest corners, traversed the densest darkness, and earned the eternal God-given gift of love.
