what do babies eat?

1

Bill couldn't believe how much diapers cost, or that they even had to cost that much. Shouldn't there be some kind of law against charging so much for something essential? It was like Joanna always complained about: tampons should be as free as condoms.

He huffed as he walked down the aisle, only to hear footsteps behind him.

"Hey, Bill," Ted's voice rang out, "I totally just had a thought: What do babies even eat?" Bill turned to see Ted holding up a jar of green sludge, reading the label. "'cause if this is it, dude, then babies have it rough."

"Ted, they're babies," Bill replied. "Babies don't care what they eat. That's why you gotta put locks on the laundry soap or they'll drink it."

"I never drank laundry soap."

"Oh. Uh, yeah, me neither." Ted looked over at Bill and grinned, like he knew that Bill was lying. And he was; his mom left the cupboard open once when he was three and he licked the soap off of the side of the container. Needless to say, it was not a good trip to the hospital.

"So, what's next on the Super Baby List?" Ted asked as he walked over, mindlessly tossing the baby food into their already overflowing cart. Joanna and Elizabeth told them, "Essentials only, boys. Just get everything on the list while we watch the babies." They never trusted the boys with the shopping, and for good reason, too. They always said that, "Chips and candies aren't necessary," which was absolutely not true.

What was a shopping trip without snacks? Sure, the ladies hadn't written it down, but Bill and Ted knew what they were doing. Plus, they couldn't pass up the awesome matching onesies with rocket ships all over. Little Bill and Little Ted would grow out of them soon, but for a short time, they'd look totally excellent.

"What size diapers do we need?" Bill asked, and Ted fished out the shopping list from his pocket.

"Well, it says here," he said, "that we need size 2T." He paused before looking up, "What's 2T?"

"Well..." Bill pursed his lips, thinking. "The two must mean if you have two babies."

"Okay. What about the T?"

"Well, all the diapers say T on them. Maybe it's just a baby thing." He huffs, "Must be a lotta work if you've gotta get 5T."

"Definitely." Ted looked around before pointing at a big box that said it held over a hundred diapers. "Let's get that one. It's gotta last us forever if it's a hundred diapers." Bill grinned as he nodded, leaning down and grabbing the hefty box by the handle, maneuvering it onto the bottom of their cart.

"You are truly an excellent thinker, Ted," Bill commented as he got back behind their cart. "Anything else we gotta grab?"

"I don't think so. The ladies said if we could find teethers, get them. But I don't get it. Don't babies grow their own teeth?" Bill laughed out loud.

"They don't grow their teeth, Ted, they chew on them so when their teeth start to grow, they don't hurt." He started to push the cart, "I learned that from the baby book Jo and Liz bought."

"Man, I gotta read that thing," Ted said as he followed Bill out of the aisle and down towards the front of them. "All of you guys are way better at this parent thing than me."

"Hey, Ted, that's not true," Bill said as he slowed down to walk beside him. "Billie and Thea are totally enamoured with you."

"Yeah, but you've got all this...baby knowledge that I'm completely unaware of. I mean, Bill, not to be, y'know, negative, but..." Ted stopped in his tracks, causing Bill to pull the cart to a halt. "I don't think I'm gonna be a good dad, dude."