Love is painful (Bellatrix Lestrange X Female Reader)

Chapter 14

(Y/n point of view) (tw selfharm🥺I'm sorry dears)

As soon as I leave the room I hear: "I've missed her voice." It makes me smile a little. While walking to my room I think about the night she slapped me by accident. I have already forgiven her for that but she made it very clear...she doesn't want me near her. She doesn't want to be with me.

The thought of that makes my whole body shiver. I love Bella I really do but if she doesn't want to be with me than so be it. It sucks to think that, it really hurts as well.

I arrive in my bathroom and lock the door, after that I take off my clothes. 'She doesn't love you. I mean look at you. Fat, ugly, disgusting, weak...'. "No y/n don't think like that it's not your fault" I mumble to myself.

'yes it is. If you had just shut your mouth than she wouldn't know that she hurt you. Damn your so dumb. You're a dumb slut.'. 

'There is only one option for you and you know what it is...do it go on do it'

"no I won't. I will not do that ever again." I say while holding  my under arm, feeling old scares fade away.

'oh come on you know you want to. Do it! You're a disappointment. You're mom and dad don't really love you. Narcissa doesn't love you Draco has better friends than you. Especially Bellatrix doesn't love you. You're weak and pathetic!'

Before I know it a cut has been made on my arm. I look in the reflection of the mirror seeing the white cut turn into red. I forgot how satisfying it is to see it turn from white to red. Seeing the blood tickle down my arm onto the ground.

Another cut has been made and like the first one it turns red. The razer blade is cold on my arm while it cuts through my flesh.

I begin crying and wave my hand to put on some loud music and another few cuts are made. Next place are my thighs. Pain is all I can feel, pain on my body and not inside. Pain on the inside breaks people. I need to feel it on the outside not inside.

It's the only way I can survive, pain on the inside isn't good it eats you alive. I quickly wash the razor blade and hide it under the sink. With a wave of my hand the watertub from the bath turns on and it's filling the space.

I put some soap in the bath, bubbles start to form in the bath. I wait until it's completely full and I slowly step in the bath. It's warmer than I would normally put the temperature on.

As I sit down I hiss loudly, the water mixed with soap is making my cuts burn. "Oh whatever at least they are getting clean now." I mumble. The music playing softly now. The soft melody that makes me a little more relaxed.

'Gosh I'm hungry...I'll eat something and after that I'll go to be-'
"y/n honey? Are you almost done? Bella and I already prepared for the movie night." Narcissa says after she knocked on the door.

'Fuck...I forgot about that.'
"Umh yes I'm almost done." I struggle to get out of the bath. Quickly I put on some underwear, long sweatpants and a long sleeved hoodie. The towel is wrapped around my hair.

When I walk out the bathroom I see Narcissa sitting on my bed with squinted eyes. "Hi?" I ask while looking at her. She doesn't respond and stands up walking towards me. She circles me making me really anxious. "W-whats wrong?"
She just hums and touches my arm.
"Can I help you with something?" I ask while pulling my arm away from her.

"Hm no just curious about what kind of material you're wearing."
"You could have just asked. It's co-"
"Cotton yeah I felt it." After that she grabs my hand and softly pulls me with her.
"Oh wait I have to check something." Narcissa pulls her hand out of mine and walks back to my room.