I feel like......people always choose sides when I'm in the equation
-00:59
I've known this girl for 4 years now. We've been best friends.
I feel like we got closer in the last 2 years. Through zoom calls that is, we used to be in the same school but we both changed schools this year. That didn't change anything though, I was living in another city. 3 hours away but still I didn't really meet anyone and just wanted to be alone. We eventually went there in the summers and got stuck in quarentine, and then my grandmother died so we stayed longer, and I honestly am pretty attached to this place, rn I just wanna go back and be in the comfort of my bed. 1 year more is all I tell myself everyday.
But that wasn't the point, the point was that a lot of things happened these past 2 years, more than I have mentioned here and she never had problem with anything. We didn't have a problem with anything. But she wasn't my only friend, I have 2 more gals who I love a lot but lately I've been feeling that maybe they don't make me feel the best about myself. And idk if that is narcissistic or me just pms-ing, probably gonna deny all this later? The thing is I thought maybe we should all hang out together, maybe it was a mistake and I am being pretty selfish about this, but this one time when I came back to the city, me and my w gals had plans of hanging out, until it started raining.
So we went to take shelter in my gaming bestie's place, she didn't mind at all, nor did her family,i thought it would be great and the perfect apportunity to merge this group so we can all be friends, but my two gals, don't really like gaming and manga stuff That we like, and it was fine. Until recently when I was very I'll and couldn't get out of bed, one of the girls went to the gamer girl's house to hang out and I was sad and I wanted to be with them, but I knew I was petty and stuff so I didn't really say anything, she vid called me and we talked for hours and it was fun, and when she left I jokingly said that she was cheating on me as she's my Minecraft wife, and she responded with that she has been with me and no one else for these past 2 years and once she hangs out with someone else I'm being weird, but she was laughing while saying it, almost joking. But for some reason I felt like I was holding her back and she was there all this time and maybe playing with me and spending time with me for these 2 years was a burden to her. And now every chance me and the other girl jokingly fight, she takes her side, and it shouldn't mean anything but for me it kinda does. And I shouldn't be selfish but I feel as if she's changed ever since she met these girls. She made weird stickers of me which is funny or whatever and everytime me, her and the other girl would be in that meeting, and I say something too much or IDK share my opinion on something which is not the same as the other girl, they would be like you kick her out of the meeting, and one of them would but then immediately add me again. The 2nd girl however, didn't really contribute to any of that and I don't feel that energy from her, id feel any bad energy from any of them but I have been bullied and teased a lot in the past and all of this stuff just makes me doubt myself and I really wanna stay friends with these girls, but how do I break it out that this thing has been bothering me a lot.
- 01:24
