Diary of a Black Lion (The Book of Mitchell Dee)

Forgiveness.

This will be my first entry so I hope you guys reading will enjoy it. After you read it, you'll understand why it is rightfully at the very top as my first log into my life.

Right then . . . Shall we proceed?

Each day I'm learning to forgive people. I've had a lot of people come and go throughout my life. Nonetheless, many of them have proven to be nothing more than opportunistic vultures, traitors, two-faced, and just like everyone else in this world as far as I'm concerned. But yet and still, I've managed to have the biggest heart for them.

But what hurts the most that is hard to do when faced with utter betrayal? Forgiveness. I struggle deeply & immensely with it. Why? Because it isn't something I do so easily.

Last year, I lost my best friend of twenty one years. I won't say his name. He doesn't deserve that kind of respect or acknowledgement. He made disingenuous comments about my past suicide attempts like it was a huge joke. He bullied me when I told him how I honestly felt about our 'friendship' that was going down shit's creek. It was pathetic, sad, and a coward's way out on his end of things.

But I digress . . . How do you overcome the utter innate rage, anger, fury etc.? I felt these things. I felt depression, too. He was my best friend. We grew up together. My dad was his dad and my mom was his mom. We shared parents basically.

I remember the adventures we'd go on together as well growing up. Some of them in hindsight we shouldn't have. We always tried to be the real life Ed, Edd, and Eddy making money for new video games in the cul de sac neighborhood I loved filled with rich white people. There were a group of teenagers, one named Robert that I remembered, who were the cool kids. They skateboarded, let my ex best friend and me hang out with them & their older girlfriends. I even remember us going to parties at nine and ten when the parents were gone & one of the girls kissed my ex best friend on the lips! Pedophilic, I know.

My ex best friend and I had a hell of a time together. We explored the woods, built a clubhouse, went on dates, rode bikes, played World of Warcraft, Yu-Gi-Oh, Pokémon, and so much more. But it wasn't enough for him? Yet, when we were thirteen year olds at his Aunt Shay's house, his ' real dad' finally came into the picture & wanted a relationship with his son. Mind you, Dayern, my ex best friend's dad, was still on drugs, a pimp, prostituting hos, and had groupies all around him while trying to 'reconnect' with his son.

How sad is that? What a hell of an entrance, yeah? I mean, a clown excuse of a father who abandoned his son now wants to show up thirteen years later.

But anyways, I'm going into a tangent . . . Fast forward twenty five years, my ex best friend (while we were still cool at the time), has a new girlfriend named Jenna, a baby boy named Noah, living in Florida, and visits sometimes. I never really felt like I knew him after he moved away from Illinois. In fact, it felt kind've forced and awkward looking back whenever we'd meet each other at the mall and 'hang out' with each other.

I didn't realize until after he said what he said to me that our friendship died a long time ago. We were going down different paths. It just wasn't gonna work. He was a sneak disser to me too. He never believed in my wife and I getting married. Nor did he believe I was capable or smart with my money I got from my malpractice lawsuit. I had a good friend named Darmohn who did music as a producer, and my ex best friend clowned him too behind his back as well as his YouTube skits that he didn't believe were funny or were going to go anywhere.

My ex best friend lied to my parents too about my 'fake life' I'm trying to pursue. Damn it, I should've seen it coming. But I didn't expect this kind've blow from him at the same time.

Fast forward to 2022, I'm still processing everything that happened last year. I lost another friend who I didn't expect would betray me and my wife. Lied straight to our faces and put others who are no hood before us. But that's another entry for another day.

This one is just about forgiveness. I love so hard in a relationship or in a friendship. So when you break my trust repeatedly, or rather, once, good luck finding it again. I'll remember. I'll know your true colors & ways. It's so hard for me to get over the past from people I never expected that kind've blow from.

There's no reconciliation. There is no second or third chances. There's only bitter feelings, betrayal, hurt, agony, and learning to try moving forward like they never existed to begin with in my life.

Fuck, man. What a world.