57 days

50 DAYS BEFORE

It had been a week since the announcement. Protests had died down since reality had finally hit. Carmen stayed, in a hurricane of self pity, drowning in the regrets of how she'd wasted the past 17 years of her life. 

Well I promise I'd spend it with you.

The words echoed loudly in her head, the blooming thoughts and memories of Felicity occupying every corner of her mind. The softness in her voice, the caution of her words, the beauty of her smile. 7 Days wasted, and what had she done? Sat and wallowed in her own despair. She reached across the room, wiping her tears, reaching for her notebook. Etching out another day in her diary, one day closer with each time she blinked. She'd spent her first week of the end living off store-bought mac and cheese, instant mash, and endless bags of Doritos, calling her parents in her plaid pyjama pants. "What a waste of a life" she whispered to herself, laying back upon her pillow. Opening her drawers, pulling out her past diaries, to find one titled 'Fourteen', covered in graffiti of pencil drawn hearts and smiles, opening the first page to find it encased with a photo of her and Felicity.  She couldn't help but smile. Flicking through the pages, reliving her favourite memories, she came across May 17th, 2019. Her heart dropped. The world's end - bucket list. That same list her and Felicity spent the entire night constructing, innocently filled with excitement and hope for their future. Something so simple, slipping her mind. A loosely compiled list of 49 final things to do, with Felicity. Only with Felicity, it read, in piercing red marker. How could a memory so pure and beautiful so easily slip her mind.  Impulsively, she checked the time. 12:08PM. Felicity would always sleep in, she wouldn't be awake now. Carmen sat back, her eyes pulsing and racing around her room as she reached for her jacket and ran for the door. She was done with thinking, if these were really her last days left on earth, she wasn't going to waste another second of it alone. The rain shattered down, leading and trailing through every crevice of the path, as Carmen reached for her bike, determined to fulfil her innocent last wishes.

Minutes later, she arrived at her door. The same glossy blue door she'd wait at when she was younger. She took a moment, she hesitated. Catching her breath, she took a step back. This was insane. She'd think she was crazy. She couldn't- No. No more thinking, as she began knocking on her door, followed by momentary silence. She knocked again, louder, with all hope left in her heart waiting for a response. But there was none. Just suffocating silence covered by the sound of the rain hitting the pavement around her. Until suddenly, she heard the click of keys turning in the door, as it sprung open. She dropped her bike in shock, stepping back as she mumbled, searching for words. 

"Carmen?" 

Her sweet innocent voice, bringing a sense of familiarity, as Carmen gently lifted her hood which had fallen in front of her face. 

There she was, beautiful as ever. Carmen stood in disbelief, realising what she had done, realising she couldn't go back. But she was consumed with the way her silky brown hair perfectly sculpted her face, and rested comfortably upon her shoulders. The way her eyes had that same glisten and sparkle they had all those years ago. The way her eyelashes lifted her soft eyes, the way her lips curved as she began to smile.

And there she was, again. It had been years since Felicity last noticed the gentle look behind her eyes. She stood in awe of how perfect she looked, the way the rain trickled down her face, the way her hair curled in the rain. How could she look so beautiful? She had never looked so beautiful. She missed her, more than anything. It only took seeing her, at the end of the world, to realise it. "Are you okay? Come in, it's raining" she blurted out, at a loss for words. Anything to cover up how she was staring, softly smiling. Carmen smiled back, finally feeling the tiny molecule of hope left pulsating through her veins again, as she stepped inside. "No shit, I thought it was sunny out today" she laughed, tucking her drenched hair behind her ears, as Felicity closed the door behind her. Confused, she hesitated, turning around. "What are you doing here?"

"I know I'm going to sound insane right now, but I've been thinking... Do you remember that time you asked what I'd do if the world was ending?" Carmen spluttered out, stumbling over her words. Felicity smiled, until it quickly faded. Almost as if that moment of clarity left as soon as it came. "Ironic, isn't it?" she empathised, leaning back against the door, taking a breath. "What about it?" she signed, catching her eye for a moment. It was just a moment, but it seemed as if it had been forever since they last locked eyes, and in that moment, it meant everything. Carmen noticed it too, taking a breath, "I know, it's been years and I sound entirely crazy for even thinking of this, but you're all I can think about." As the silence rested for a second, with Carmen realising what she had said, immediately backtracking, "I mean about how we used to be. Friends. I promised I'd spend it with you. I'm sorry, I know this makes no sense and is coming across super fucking weird but I just don't really have anybody right now" her words raced. As she saw the confused look on Felicity's face, she continued "Not as in I don't have anybody, I definitely do. Not in a self pity way, I didn't mean it in a self pity way. I'm sorry. I just mean my family are stuck in Florida and flights are cancelled and it's too quiet and I just remembered everything and our list and I just really don't-"

"It's okay." She interrupted. "Don't apologise, it's okay. Just take a second. Do you need anything? To sit down? Water?" She worryingly motioned towards her room, with care blooming behind her eyes, she picked up on Carmen's nervous stuttering and rambling, as she always did, realising she was stressed. Hesitating, Carmen stood there for a second, catching her breath. She reached into her pocket, pulling out a neatly folded piece of paper, handing it to her. "I know this is too much to ask, especially right now, but I can't think of any other way to spend it" She anticipated, as Felicity carefully took the note from her and unfolded it. She stood, motionless for a second, until she began helplessly smiling. "You still have this?"

"How could I not?" Carmen smiled back uncomfortably, unsure of whether she was genuinely happy or mocking her for it. Felicity didn't even look up, her eyes almost glued to the list in front of her. Carmen's smile slowly dropped. "You know these are insane? Go to New York? What are we gonna do? Walk on water?" Felicity teased, beginning to laugh. Her heart sank, as if she wasn't sure enough before, she knew Felicity was mocking her. After the brief moment of silence and tension flooding the air, Felicity slowly looked up, looking at the hurt behind her eyes, immediately regretting her harmless attempt to make her laugh. Carmen stood stationary, looking at the floor, with a tear beginning to fall from her eye. She wiped it quickly, hiding it, reaching for the door "Forget about it, it was a stupid idea anyway." Her voice cracked, as she swiftly walked out the door beginning to close it behind her. "I didn't mean it like-" The door slammed shut, the silence echoing around Felicity's house. It settled in, the echo she left never seeming to grow quieter nor louder. She knew she hurt her. She had one chance to get her back, and she lost her. Again. The rippling echo she left in her cold home left harsh chill down her spine, as she looked out the window only to see Carmen riding away on her bike. Hesitantly, she closed the curtain, and slumped down on her bed, seemingly lifeless. As if the life had been sucked out of her.

She wasn't phased by the comet at first, Felicity had always seemed to be relaxed and unbothered, but now all she felt was the tension swelling around her. She'd never really cared about living or dying, but it had now finally hit her. She was going to die. Carmen was going to die. And the last memory she'd have with her was nothing but the door closing behind her as she left a hole as hollow in her heart that was left the first time she lost her. Carefully, she unfolded the note, rereading the sweet innocent words they had wrote. Suddenly, she was made with memories. She was nothing but an endless labyrinth of what once was. She held the note close to her heart, wiping the tears which had cruelly fallen from her eyes. She was too, alone. The absence of her father had never bothered her, he was all she had, but one week had passed since the announcement, and he still wasn't home from the pub. He never was. But it had finally hit her, it had been a week, the world was going to end, and she was the last thing on her fathers mind. She didn't want to be alone anymore. Prior to today, she found peace in the silence, in the emptiness of her own home. Until Carmen. Seeing her face, feeling her warmth, she had always been her sanctuary. The peace she felt in the quiet of her own house was nothing in comparison to the security she felt just by being around her. It had been years, and nothing had changed. Just seeing her made things feel as if things were going to be okay. 

The silence which was once comforting became an all consuming hurricane of isolation, she couldn't stand it. Looking back at the list, she reached for the pen on her bedside cabinet, laying down. Her head rested gently on her pillow for hours, repeatedly skimming through the hopes and dreams which she had lost through the years. She stayed there for hours, the sun gradually setting, leaving her in nothing but a dark, cold, empty room. Alone.