who are you now? {demi lovato fan fiction}

1.

mackenzie. where is she? i think to myself. my best friend. i need her. i'm alone. by myself. my wrist hurts.
i grab my phone. no messages. i sob to myself. thinking of why i'm on this planet. why haven't I killed myself yet? I think to myself. it's true. mackenzie is the only person that makes me feel better. yet, she's not answering me. i feel so alone. why am i crazy? i'm so sick of feeling like this. i grab my razor out of my pocket and slice another cut into my wrist. lovely. i rest my head on the backboard of my bed. i take deep breaths. i was never like this. i use to be so happy. what happened?

ONE YEAR AGO
nyc. central park. i walk along the river i'm a cold, breezy Saturday morning. it's really nice for a cold morning. i feel amazing. i go to sit on the bench that's in front of me. i put my headphones in and relax. happy as ever. but not for long...
i feel hands touch my shoulders. i open my eyes and freeze. what do i do. i rip my earphones out. I hear a deep voice. "hey sweetheart. wanna play?" I hear the deep, disturbing voice say. i jump up and without hesitation i run. as fast as i can. i hear the voice screaming. "come back here you fucking bitch! i will kill you!" i feel tears running down my cheeks. i'm out of the park, looking for someone i can trust. i look behind me, and see the man. he's tall, big, and angry. he looks dirty. he has bright blond hair and a moustache. i can't breathe. i need to stop running. but i'm scared. i'm scared for my life. the man gets closer. close enough to jump on me. i run down the street and see an alley way. i run down there with all i can. i have nothing to protect myself with. i feel a hand grab my arm. i can't get myself out. he pulls me closer, i try with my life to get myself out. but it's no use. he grabs my neck while placing a cloth over my face. it reeks of an alcohol smell. i feel myself becoming relaxed. i feel like everything is becoming okay. the sobs are slowing going away. my body becomes less tense. i close my eyes.

i wake up in a puddle. i look at my hands and arms. they're all bruised. my legs are killing me. what happened? my vision is blurry. i see two colours. red and blue. i try to get myself up, but it's no use.
"m'am? are you alright?" i hear a voice. this time, it's a nice voice. i mumble, but nothing comes out my mouth. i feel hands grabbing my waist. oh no. it's happening all over again. my eyes widen. I start to scream, panic, i do anything i can to get myself out.
"m'am it's okay!! it's the police." my eyes finally go to the man. it's a police officer. I see another man behind him run towards our direction and help me get my balance.
"are you alright?" the man asks me. I don't know what to say so I just nod. I put my arms over the two officers and they help me walk to
their car.
"m'am. we caught the man that did this to you. he has been charged with sexual assault." the man on my left says. I get butterflies in my stomach. sexual assault. i've... been raped...
why me...? i feel empty. i feel tears coming out of my eyes. that explains the many bruises on my arms. and why my legs are killing me. i can't speak. i feel weak.

PRESENT
that day...it started everything. i lost trust in everyone. i became depressed, suicidal, started to hurt myself, I started to smoke and my anxiety became even worse. i have to see a therapist every week. i can't even step outside without being terrified that someone is going to grab me. i live with my mom now outside of nyc. i can't meet people without crying. i can't go to college or uni without being terrified. i'm scared i'm not going to get over this. it'll be stuck with me forever.

i feel a vibration. i know it's my phone, so i grab it and turn it on.
Demi omg!! i'm so sorry I didn't answer. what's wrong?? text me RIGHT AWAY. - Kenzie.
i turn off my phone, ignoring the text. i feel like i bug her with my problems too much. i try to calm myself down a bit. i put my razor back in my pocket, and close my eyes.

i hope you guys like this.
-emily