who are you now? {demi lovato fan fiction}

2.

"demi!! you ready?" i hear my mom yell from across the hall of my room. i slowly get myself up from bed. i'm going shopping today. great. time to be scared out of my fucking mind. i grab my razor from my nightstand drawer and put it in my pocket. i always have to bring them with me. i grab my purse and my cigarettes. after the rape incident, i started to get into drugs. badly. the worse i've done was coke. my mom found out and took everything away from me. now i buy my cigarettes without her knowing. i walk out my room and to my mom who hugs me and strokes her cold thumb around my cheek.
"how are you today baby?" she asks. i shrug my shoulders and put my headphones in. she frowns and we walk out the door. i walk to the car and get inside. i rest my eyes and let the music take over me. music is my life. it's my therapy. cheesy, i know. but it's true. i let my music relax me. it helps me not think of all the negative thoughts I have on a daily basis.

i feel someone pushing my shoulder back and forth. i hate when people touch me. ever since that day.
demi..? wake up, we're here." i hear my moms soothing voice say.
"you know i hate it when people touch me." i say to my mom. she apologizes and we head inside. this mall is okay. it's the best mall in our town.
"if me and you separate, call me right away. you have your spray right?" my mom meaning my pepper spray that i got right after i was sexually assaulted. i nod. i can't leave my mom anywhere. i have to always stay with her. i'm too scared to be without her. we start to walk around. every store here sucks. it's all too expensive. and i already have enough things at home. i take my phone out of my pocket and change my song until i feel someone bump into my shoulder. my heart starts to race. i stumble and drop my phone.
"oh my god...i'm so sorry." i hear the man that bumped into me say. he kneels down and helps me up as i drop my phone.
"it's ok don't worry about it..." i say and look up to see a really handsome man. wow, he's beautiful. his face is so...nice.
"it was stupid of me to run. i'm just in a rush. i have to get my sister at daycare." he smiles. his smile is adorable.
"no no it's okay. trust me." i fake smile at him. i feel eyes on me. my moms, of course.
"here let me make it up to you for being a jerk. i'll buy you a smoothie." he smiles again. i feel myself start blushing.
"um...okay. mom?" i gesture my mom.
"go honey. remember, if anything goes wrong, use the spray. i'll be right here." she says quietly. i start to panic. fuck. my palms start to sweat. i look back at the guy, who smiles. i walk with him to the food court, which was right there.
"again, so sorry about pushing you."
"stop apologizing, it's fine." I say and fake smile again.
"what's your name? just so i know what to call you." he laughs.
"demi. demi lovato."
"that's a beautiful name. demi." he winks at me. okay, he just lost hot points.
"i'm dan. or dan morris." he says as he smiles. we get in line.
"soooo tell about yourself." he asks. what do i say? i'm such a boring and stupid person.
"i just met you...and you want to know things about me already? don't you have to pick up your sister?" he gets a panicked look on his face.
"shit...here, give me your number and we can do something sometime!" he opens his phone and gets out his contacts. i feel myself shaking. I reach for his phone and put my number in.
"hey you okay? you're shaking." i look up at him and back down to my feet.
"yeah... I just have really bad anxiety." he frowns.
"oh...i'm sorry to hear that. i hope you're okay." i fake smile.
"it was nice meeting you. sorry about not getting you anything, but I really have to go or my parents will kill me for not picking me up!" he says as he runs away. i look back at him and take a deep breath in. i run over to my mom.
"where's your smoothie? did he not get you one?" my mom asks frowning.
"he had to go. i couldn't stop shaking anyways. i got his number though."
my mom smiles.
"just be careful with him." my mom hugs me and grabs my hand. i really hope I can trust him.

i hope this isn't too triggering.
-emily