Grief: Prelude (N.R) (GN)

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Everyone goes through grief — one way, or another.

Be it in momentary moments of despair in the heat of the moment or pain that lasts for all eternity, every being has gone through some form of grief. Natasha was no exception.

She had gone through so much pain she thought she had grown used to it; She was wrong — horrendously wrong.

She saw so much suffering and desperation inside the Red Room, had taken so many lives and ruined many more that she felt as if the pain was an emotion completely astray from her. Matter of fact, she was certain she couldn't feel any.

Then, you came by.

It was an occasion so terribly funny and so terribly adorable to her. She had serendipitously found the love of her life by merely bumbling into them.

A panicked gust of apologies turned into lighthearted jokes, lighthearted jokes turned into a phone number exchange, a phone number exchange turned into a date, and a date sufficed for her heart to make a complete summersault.

Natasha fell in love with you and you fell in love with her.

Unlike her, however, you were not a badass assassin capable of murdering anyone within the blink of an eye — quite the opposite, actually. You were a normal human with a normal life, barely capable of fending off a spider.

Natasha knew the risk of love, and she knew the expenses that came with it, but she just could not help it. You were everything she ever thought she could want; You were perfection in her eyes.

She knew that, if you were in a relationship, she had to keep you safe.

The team never knew of your existence — Clint and Wanda being the exception. She kept you safe in the confines of a secluded countryside home she vowed to return to every night and stay for as long as she could, a promise she kept unless she was in a mission.

She even made a very feeble attempt at breaking up just so that you could be safe, but you had other plans.

"You're not going anywhere. I know the risks of falling in love with you and I know the sacrifices. But for you, I would give it all, my life is no exception."

Natasha cried rivers that night.

She was happy for once, exuberant, even. There wasn't a single dull moment with you and she felt as if she was in heaven itself being near you.

Then, years later, it all went downhill.

A simple, B&E mission took her away from you, and that led to taking you away from her.

She received a call, and she knew it was urgent. You were warned thoroughly to never call her unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Hello? Baby, are you okay?" She asked in the quinjet in front of her friends, not giving a damn if they knew of her relationship. You were more important.

"Nat-- I n-- hel--" the connection cut off the call and her panic grew even greater.

"Hey! Hello?! Lyubov' are you there?!", she asked in a hurried voice.

All that followed was a gunshot and the call hanging up.

"Fuck! No, no, no... No- Clint!" she gathered her thoughts and called for her friend who was piloting the jet.

"Nat? What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"We need to go home, now!" she shouted on the brink of tears. You couldn't die on her, not now.

"Got it." without further questions, he turned the ship completely and flew towards your home.

"Lyubov'... Please..." she whispered, crumbling to the floor of the ship and breaking into desperate sobs.

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It wasn't long before the jet landed just a few meters from your home, leaving her to run the remainder of the way to your cozy house.

She noticed its state in an instant: unhinged doors, shattered windows, and a few corpses lying about; Hydra's corpses.

She ran into your home, standing in the hallway and looking around hurriedly, listening to her pounding heart and anxious breaths.

Then, a cough.

She ran faster than she ever had, yet her knees went weak at the sight of you, crumpled on the floor with blood gushing from your abdomen and chest.

"Y/N! SHIT!" she ran to you, her tears stinging her eyes.

"Natty..." your voice was above a whisper just barely.

"Baby! Hey! Listen to me, Lyubov'! Listen to my voice, c-" you cut her off, "It's okay Natty... It's okay..."

"No! No the fuck it's not! I can't live without you I c... " she broke into tears before even finishing her sentence.

You cupped her cheek with your less bloodied hand and caressed it gently, wiping tears from her face.

"It's okay, baby. It is. It'll be okay, I swear."

She could only stare at you, refusing to believe her eyes.

"I love you, Natty."

Your body went limp and your eyes fluttered shut, your mouth twisting into a smirk as you passed.

Natasha never wept so hard in her life.

"No... Y/N, please... You can't do this to me. Please, don't go..." she begged, clutching your lifeless body and resting your limp head on her shoulder.

Natasha looked around the room, until now fully taking in the wreck surrounding the both of you.

On the walls, "Hail HYDRA" and "EXCELSIOR" were branded all over, the windows were broken and stained with blood, and, in front of the nightstand close to your side of the bed, she noticed a ring.

An engagement ring.

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