By the Moon Falls

End is the Beginning

"It is a sin!" a voice yelled behind me. "She will never find salvation " another said. I ignored the priests and old men of our so called 'cultured' society as they shouted insults and profanities at me. I continued circling my grandmother's pyre with a pot of water on my shoulder. My long, wild waves flew in the air, sort of as a visual representation of my cultural defiance, while I tried my best to remain stoically silent with an occasional quiver of my lips involuntarily occuring. As the seventh round finished I dropped the pot on my shoulder, and it fell with a 'clop' on the ground, shattering into shards of all shapes. Without looking at anyone or anything, I mindlessly reached for the flaming torch the white-clad priest was holding. It slipped from his hand into mine, as he stared at me dumbfoundedly, probably in horror of what I had done. I threw the torch on the pyre and turned my back, not wanting to watch any further, I couldnt've ! I just took bold, quick steps as I walked away from the cremation grounds not turning my head by 1 degree even...Well, I didn't want to attract any spirits you see, this cultural obligation I would abide by, if not the really sexist one about daughters not being able to perform last rites. I hadn't shed a single tear as I walked back home, it was probably the rage of being denied the right to perform the final rites of the only person I've known since I opened my eyes....I had no one else, just my nanna, my mom's mom. I walked back into our little home in the heart of bengaluru city. I sank on the floor as realization hit me. The woman who raised me, oiled my hair, told me stories of Bala Krishna, cheered for me on my sports day, who taught me how to wear a traditional saree, was no more! I had seen the flames engulf her kind, wrinkled face! My mother died when I was a baby and my father?  Hadn't even heard of him...ever! I had no siblings, no friends...only nanna. I bit into my elbow as I choked on my sobs. On the floor, knees pressed into my chest, my eyes hurt from the constant clenching and waterworks, just wailing there...with no one to hear me. I looked up from my knees to suck in a gasp of fresh air, when suddenly....I saw a glass of water dangling in the air? I was taken aback and fell a little back from the sudden object floating in range of my visual periphery. I looked upto see a hand holding the glass...A black coat sleeve on the arm holding the glass, and a head of a man attached atop the coat. "Who are you" I jolted up and demanded, fully alert and defensive. There were strange, literal men in black, in my home without permission and without a sound. "Please calm down Miss.." the man holding the glass began quite formally, but i cut him off. "Calm DOWN! Who the heck are you and how the fuckkk did you get inside my house??" I screamed at him. He looked at one of his pals on his left, barely twisting his neck...I could see some anger climbing up his nose, but he brushed it off. " Miss, I understand, you're in an emotional state and quite shocked, lets sit and talk" he said composedly. I grabbed a huge traditional pestle stick lying in our home and positioned myself in a defensive stance. "Explain....yourself!" I said with my voice dangerously thundering in warning. "We will, there is no need for that...we are sent by your father...." He began. "My what?" I dropped the pestle in shock..it hit my toe. After the three little not so little piggies had sat me down on my sofa, had tended to my bleeding toe and had handed me the glass of water...they began. "As you are 16 years of age, your legal responsibility now goes to your biological father, as you can see...here are the legal documents" he said gesturing to one of his junior 'men in black' who was apparently my father's lawyer, and he handed me a brown leather file. "This says Ms. Varthaman K. Mahiya, my name is Mahiya Sharma" I began reading the documents which apparently dictated that my guardianship went to my supposed biological father. " Sharma is your mother's last name, but upon birth your name was registered legally as your father's last name...Varthamanam was supposed to be your legal name" the head of the minions explained. "That's impossible, my name has always been Sharma...I don't think you have the right person..." I tried reasoning with them, it could be an honest mistake, Mahiya Varthaman could be someone else. "If that were true...would the birth certificate also have your mother's name?" He said, pointing to an underlying green paper, it was my birth certificate. I checked the details, the birth time, date, place everything was correct! It had my nanna and Momma's names on it....but no father's name. I scanned the whole file...couldn't find anything about my father, not even a fucking name. "That's right but I don't see that man's name who claims to be my father..." I said. "Yes, and you'll know about him...once you meet him, we're here to safely take you to him" the chief minion replied. This was ridiculous! If we're using big words, flabbergastingly preposterous! If you're taking me to a man who was supposedly my biological father and was supposed to takecare of me for the rest of my life, wouldn't I at least be given a name? "Well, this mysterious father of mine, does he have a fucking name? Like what is he in the mafia? sending his henchmen and being absent for most of my life, suddenly...I mean" I started my rant, but it looked like they were not having it. The chief minion sighed and began, "Its not our position to answer these questions...when you meet him you can ask him, and No! we're not in the Mafia, and if you must know...he is our respected Gurudev " he finished. "What? Gurudev? And you expect me to come with you wherever you want just based on this weird intro and so little information? do you honestly expect me to come with you quietly?" I asked in disbelief. He simply shrugged and said, "No" and I could feel one of the minion grabbing me from the back and snuffing some cloth in my face...it had a stringent smell, one so strong it sent a shooting pain in my sinuses and I could feel my eyes closing...in a few seconds I was limp in his arms.