Adelaide

Chapter XLI

Emerald Byron

"Mister Byron. Such a coincidence that we meet again so soon. What brings you out tonight?"

Upon hearing my surname splayed across another tongue, I glance up from my seat and narrow in on the vaguely-familiar brunette male who spoke to me from one table away. I relax just slightly when recognition washes through my mind.

"Ah, Matisse — with the mortuary, correct?" I offer levelly, panning across his stark features.

I recall finding this individual's nature lighthearted and warm enough, though notably pretentious — the type of boy I would've befriended in the past, perhaps, before the passing of my parents. A waiter interrupts our conversation to serve my drink, and I patiently wait until they sit in private again before continuing.

"I suppose I'm not sure what brought me here tonight. Needed a place to think, maybe."

"Think about what?"

I trace my fingertips in circles around the rim of my glass. Matisse and Adelaide are acquainted, so I must choose my words carefully. Honesty is good; I've always believed that.

"Have you ever been in love?" I reply — an open prompt to assess his perspective; it would not pay to vent to someone who cannot understand.

"Yes, once."

My question seemed to startle him. He pauses, sinking into the character of a painter with an artistic view of the world.

"It was as if I always saw the stars in her eyes, you know? She was my sky, my entire. The world faded away when I looked at her. When she talked, I heard every beautiful way she saw the world and its workings. With her, I understood things I never thought I could. That's how I knew I was in love: the world made sense with her around."

I listen attentively to Matisse's decorative description, but my smile strains as another wave of nausea briefly assails my consciousness.

"We interpret love in the same way, I see. You speak of very winsome things, yet you do not exaggerate at all," I deliberate, "The person with whom I am in love — I would do anything for her with little more than a moment's hesitation. It just feels right, you know. Like kismet."

I hesitate. I said I would do anything for her, but perhaps I already have. What more do I possess to give? I estranged my family vows and allowed my two dearest friends to walk out of my life, solely because they distrusted her.

"But it's twisted, isn't it — that suddenly everything in your world feels half as whole without them? She's taken much from me. Or I've given up much for her. Either way, I fear that I resent her for it."

I startle, then; I never realized I felt that way until the words slipped from my tongue. I love Adelaide deeply, but I regard her attachment with an equal amount of indignation. She forced me to choose between myself and everything else I valued in life. And the answer was and always will be always her, lest I live out the rest of my days with halved potential.

This realization sickens me further.

"Sorry, I've drastically lost track of time," I force through my teeth, standing and searching my pockets for some change to leave on the table for my unfinished drink; as a second thought, I extend my arm and offer Matisse a nonchalant handshake.

"You seem like a good man. Take care."

By the time I step outside, my hands are shaking and I gasp for fresh air. Everything I've figured out during the past few hours piles like stones in my chest, on the brink of crushing me alive. Perhaps going out was a poor idea, yet I prefer the weight of knowledge to oblivion any day.

Or so I thought.

I only returned home a few minutes ago, when suddenly gentle knocking sounds from the front door. I unlock and open it to face Liesl standing courteously on the other side, her smile kind and cunning at once as she regards my haggard expression.

"Good evening. Is this a bad time? I was just looking to speak with Ruby."

I stare at her blankly.

"Ruby's not here. She departed for school with our friend Topaz."

Liesl frowns, her shamrock-green eyes skimming across my face. I ache for the moment she turns away to glance over her shoulder.

"Oh, I apologize for the interruption, then. She told me —"

My breath catches in my throat when she pauses, angling her head.

"Wait, pardon me. I know it's far from my place to ask, but weren't you the one to escort Miss DuPont to that event the other evening? I just encountered her a few blocks away, and I thought she was with you. His hair was dark like yours, at least. I must have been mistaken."

My heart sinks, but I manage to feign a graceful smile and reply, "Ah, an easy mistake. You have a good evening, Miss Leinster."

Liesl narrows her eyes, but nods once in understanding of his dismissal and spins around to leave.

Julian, I think to myself as I push the door closed behind her. Julian, the boy with pale eyes from the bookstore — Adelaide ran off to find him. 'It all felt so far away before. His presence merely made me realize how real this is,' I recall her describing. This Julian ignites her passions in a way I cannot, with my kind hands and affectionate nature. Adelaide could be content with me if she let herself, but at heart she needs something more, someone more — someone comparable to her debauched lover James. She's sick, far more corrupt than anyone knew.

Deeply unsettled and considerably irate, I pace back and forth across the parlor, awaiting Adelaide's return.