Cupid Strikes Again

My name is Ivory Parker, I'm sixteen years old and I can honestly say that I know what a broken heart feels like. You might be saying to yourself, "Hey, you're too young to have a broken heart. You have no idea what it feels like." Well, you're wrong. You're never too young to have a broken heart. Partly because you're human-we're all human and it isn't peculiar to feel one, but mainly because getting your heart broken doesn't necessarily mean that it has to be due to a break up or relationship. I know that's the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear those two words. Heart breaks don't only apply to those who have been dumped or cheated on.

No. Having a heart break also applies to those who have had a close person that died or betrayed them. It could be a result of a little kid losing their best friend, their stuffed animal. There are a ton of reasons why one might experience a heart break and in my case, it's the first thing that pops into mind when those two, horrid words are spoken. My first love. I was young, younger than I am now, foolish to have fallen for him. I didn't know what I was getting myself into, blinded by the fact that I was wanted by the opposite sex. I wasn't prepared for the common outcome of a relationship. I truly thought-no believed that we were going to get married and have children. I tell you, I was a senseless, pea brain.

And then, when the day came around when he dumped me, ripped out my heart and threw it in the middle of the street for it to be squished on by oncoming cars, I was ruined. Absolutely, positively ruined. I remember I used to lock myself up in my room for weeks, without talking to anyone at all, just wishing for the source that was causing the pain in my chest to stop. The feeling was foreign to me! Never before had I ever felt it. The color from my face had drained, along with the hope of ever finding love again. Dark brown bags took their place under my eyes, making me look weak and fragile. I began to question my existence in life. Yes, it actually came to the point where I would stare at a bottle of pills for hours, contemplating if I should take 5 of 10. Life just seemed...dull without him.

I didn't go to school for weeks. I knew that if I just took one look at his deep blue eyes or dimple encrusted smile, I would crumble. I couldn't face that. My parents began to worry about my health. They forced their entry into my room every day just to give me the food and liquids I needed. And just to get rid of them, I consumed it all. Don't get me wrong, now. I love my parents to death, but I couldn't have them see me like that. The pity and sadness in their eyes killed me. Made me feel guilty, something I didn't need in my condition.

Then, there came a day when my older brother came stomping into my room. I was in the middle of a crying fest, something that had been going on since the day of the break up and probably looked like a complete wreck in his eyes, but he didn't care for sympathy then.

He yelled two words, 13 letters, and punctuation at me, not including the question mark and exclamation point. Who knew those two words were all it took to knock the breath out of me?

"You're pregnant?!" He yelled, a few veins popping out in his neck.

It was later discovered that my ex-boyfriend had spread a rumor that he got me pregnant, reason for my absence at school. Now, I definitely couldn't go back to school.

They wouldn't believe my word against his. He was the quarterback of the football team, the most popular guy in the entire school. Another horrid reason I fell for him. I couldn't believe that he would ask me, an antisocial nerd, to be his girlfriend. I should have known he was just using me to get laid. Yes, that's right. He stole my V-Card. Well, actually, I gave it to him because you know; I thought he was "the one".

Boy was I mistaken.

After finding out my brother had beaten the crap out of him, I was a bit satisfied, though not enough to show my face at school. I wasn't ready for the stares and insults. So we moved to a small town, at the edge of California called Mercy Falls. It was hard finding seeing as it wasn't on the map, or any map that is. Everything was fine then. Slowly, as time passed, I began to accommodate with the feeling in my chest. I stopped sulking and went to school, actually made some friends.

Though, the entire experience did come with consequences. My whole outlook on life changed, as well as my personality and appearance. I began to realize my foolish ways before, even though only a year and three months had past. Thinking about it now makes me scrunch up my nose in disgust at how weak I was. But I mean, everyone has gone through it or will someday. It isn't rare to get lost in the thought of being wanted. Some people just take it differently. Whenever my friends, my new friends at Mercy Falls, would ask about my love life, I'd just laugh and shake my head. They knew their boundaries on what to ask. And frankly, that topic was something that I wasn't going to bring up again.

Albeit, I wasn't ashamed of my actions anymore; I knew that if I told them, they'd shake their head and say that I was lying. I knew that they wouldn't believe that I, such a strong and independent girl, would lock herself up in her room and cry over a guy. The only person I told was my best friend, Sage. Of course, I couldn't tell her that I lost my V-Card to him. That is something that should not be shared, no matter how close I am to her. I mean, think about it. If you lost your innocence to a dirty, lying guy would you be able to tell your best friend with a straight face? I think not. Of course, I still have my moments of fright and flaw. After all, I am only human. And then there's that question that's always asked when Sage brings up the topic.

What does it feel like to have a broken heart?

Well, I'll tell you.

It is the loneliest and most desperate feeling like nothing you'll ever experience before. It is not being able to stop crying and knowing that even when you do stop, the pain of loss is still there and that nothing has changed. It is wishing you were anywhere but where you are and anyone but whom you are. It is disbelief that you could go from happy and secure too alone and left behind in a second. It is confusion and a head full of questions but no-one to answer them truthfully. It is all those plans and dreams made, gone.

It is indescribably appalling and no amount of kind words can lift you out of your grief. It is the inevitability of it all and the fact that you have no say. It is having to carry on working, doing the day to day essential chores and feeling totally separated from your life. It is exhausting and it will take the time it takes for you to recover and be strong enough to trust and take a chance on someone else again.

In simpler words?

It's life changing.

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The picture on the side is Ivory, played by Lily Collins. :)