𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫 (𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐡𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐬)

𝐨𝐧𝐞

"So this is goodbye?"
-

Why couldn't anything go his way? He questions as he walks through the familiar hospital halls. Day by day there is some in convince, some struggle that makes him question everything including his own existence at times. He needs to escape but everyone's eyes are on him as he makes his way through the hospital. His forehead specifically his left eyebrow is full of blood that has dried onto his skin. He needs air immediately he can't stand everyone staring at him, looking at him like a piece of glass ready to shatter at any given moment.

"Hayes?"

He hears her voice and he can't take it. He ignores her and turns the corner just for her to follow him.

"What... what happened?" She says putting her hand on his shoulder. He sighs, "There was an accident." His voice broke and the tears threatened to escape his eyes.

"What kind of an accident?"

She's worried, he can tell by the sound of her voice and her hand gripping onto his shoulder. It's like she is scared to let go just in case he isn't actually there and he is a part of her imagination.

"My life flashed before my eyes. I saw Abigail and the boys... I can't do this right now I need a minute." He replies pinching the bridge of his nose trying to stop the tears in his eyes. He really doesn't need the humiliation of crying in front of his ex-girlfriend, his friend? They really haven't discussed much since their breakup.

"Has anyone checked you out?" She asks, her hands still on his shoulder. "I'm fine, I'm fine." He replies clearly upset. She wraps her arm around his shoulders, "I'll be the judge of that." Then they walk into the hospital together.

She sits him down and closes the curtain. She flashes the light into his eyes until she is satisfied with his pupil function. "Everything seems to be looking good here."

She feels his eyes on her, those beautiful blue eyes. "Did you lose consciousness?" She asks. He looks down at his hands while shaking his head before meeting her eyes once again, "I'm fine Grey." His voice was ever so gentle, it always is when he talks to her. "Let me check your blood pressure before we know for sure."

—————-

"Meredith I need to talk to you." Bailey says. She smiles and nods, knowing the day ended better than what everyone expected. Owen's alive, Farouk is alive, Hayes and Teddy are alive. "Hayes is leaving immediately." She says, her face full of disappointment.

Meredith's eyes widened, "What do you mean? He-"

"He resigned and I asked him to stay at least till Hunt is better but he shut me down said his boys aren't thriving. I tried Meredith but he won't stay." Bailey replies. She's exhausted, not only has she lost multiple doctors in the past she is losing another great surgeon and most importantly a friend to everyone.

She shakes her head and walks outside. Ready to break down in tears from the news. She's seen him standing outside in his black coat. The coat he looks so good in. "Hayes?" She questions. He turns around giving her a small smile. He has his hands in his pockets as he looks at the sky. The snow falls on his face and he chuckles, "You know... snow will forever remind me of you." He says. Tears form in her eyes. She takes a deep breath before walking towards him, "I heard your leaving."

He nods his head, "It's for the best."

She puts her hand on his shoulder then down his arm, "Can I ask why?"

He sighs, "The boys are struggling so I think Seattle isn't home."

"But Hayes there are other options than to just leave."

"No... not in this situation there isn't." He replies.

"Hayes don't leave, please. I don't want whatever this is to end." She says her voice breaking and tears rolling down her cheeks

He takes a deep breath, "I lied... I lied to you. About Austin. It wasn't him I wasn't ready to date and instead of telling you the truth I lied because I thought I would eventually be ready but it turns out I'm not sure I'll ever be ready. I was selfish because I knew if I said it was because of me you would be kind like you always are but you would have doubts about us. So I lied and I'm so very sorry."

"Cormac." She whispers as tears roll from her eyes. The use of his first name breaks his heart even more. He grabs her hands gently, "I know you are dating a man from Minnesota. Just... I hope you're happy. I want you to know I am forever thankful for you. I won't forget you, Meredith, I hope you don't forget me either but if you do-"

"Shh... I won't." She replies grabbing his face with her hands. Tears are now rolling down his cheeks. "Before I leave I need you to know that I did fall in love with you. I did want this to work out between us I just don't think I ever will be ready to move on and you deserve someone who is all in." He whispers never breaking the eye contact between the two of them.

She shakes her head, "Don't leave Cormac... I want you to stay. If we just have a friendship between us that's okay, just as long as your here."

"But you want more than that Meredith. You deserve more than someone who is a pile of damage, broken and impossible to fix." He rubs his thumbs on her knuckles. She cannot stop the tears falling from her eyes, not caring if her eyeliner is a mess. "I don't care, I love you for you, damage, impossible to fix, and broken. I love you, as a friend, as a person, as a partner... I love every version of you so if your ever ready for a relationship I will be here, but if you want nothing more then a friendship I will still be here loving you anyhow." She whispers with tears rolling down her cheeks. He shakes his head with tears in his eyes as well rubbing her jawline, "Meredith... I don't want to leave you but for both of our sakes it's for the better. If I'm not ready for a relationship ever and we are just friends that love, jealously, and everything that comes with loving a person will come and it will make me miserable and I'm afraid... im afraid if I'm miserable I will make you miserable and that beautiful soul, that beautiful smile, cannot fade. I love you, I do... and I hate myself for not being ready for more but it will break me watching you with someone else, so for both of our sanity, you have to let me go."

So this is goodbye?"

He puts his hand on her jaw, his thumb caressing her cheek as he tilts his head and looks at her like he always does. "You'll be okay Meredith."

Before she knows it he lets go of her hand, his hand leaves her jaw. He gives her a small smile but the pain in his eyes tells a different story. He turns around and walks away leaving her in question, her heart breaks every step he takes away from her she wants to run after him. She wants to tell him how much he means to her, she wants to grab his face and kiss him because now she may never get the chance, she may never see him again.

Authors Note
I don't even know what to say. I am so heartbroken, how can such an amazing character leave so unexpectedly. I have faith that he won't truly leave but it isn't looking too good. My Merhayes heart is breaking :(. I will update this story soon but I cry every time I write it so... but how is everyone else feeling? I know there are parts missing explaining why he is leaving, in future chapters I will dive into the Owen topic which is why he is truly leaving :(