𝕊𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕕 𝔸𝕨𝕒𝕪 | 𝚂𝚞𝚔𝚞𝚗𝚊 𝚁𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚖𝚎𝚗, 𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚞 𝙶𝚘𝚓𝚘

.𝟙𝟡

"How are you feeling today?" she asked, readjusting her glasses on her nose.

"Fine, I guess." I gazed through the open window, as a bird landing on a branch caught my attention.

"Did you start attending college again?"

The bird was happily chirping, basking into the sunlight.

"Y/n?"

"No, I did not."

"Don't you think it'd be good for you? To see people? I understand you might think you're better, safer alone. But sometimes it's not about what you want but what you need."

Understand my ass. What I need is for you to stop talking. As if she understood anything. As if I could tell her why I was so damaged, why I became broken goods.

"I guess."

The only reason I complied with a therapist was to be allowed to stay home alone. This was my mother's condition. And there is now way I'm leaving my apartment.

"Does it mean you'll be attending?"

"Yes. I will. I'll even go right now."

"Y/n, we didn't -"

But I was already out the door. Everything was better than listening to her for another second. At least in class I could be invisible. I could stare at a wall for a whole hour and nobody would notice. If it can get her off my back, I'll gladly attend, but just for today.

I hopped in my car and started driving toward campus. Today would make it two years since...everything. Since the end of everything to be precise.

I don't think I can be normal anymore. I don't think I can go back to how I was before it all happened. I've lived through too much too fast, I've lost too much, too fast. I've been abused, used, manipulated, betrayed, beaten and injured. I've loved, and maybe, deep down, someone loved me a bit in their own peculiar way. This is one of the things I tell myself to keep it together.

Through all that, I made progress. I am better off now than I was a few months ago. I eat. I sleep a bit. I shower. I go to the store to shop instead of delivering everything at my door.

It might not seem like something extraordinary, but it is for me. I'll start by surviving, I'll get to the living part later.

I parked and got off, not even a pen and paper in my hand. I didn't even check which class I had right now or even if I had any. I strolled the corridors while browsing my phone for my schedule. I headed to the other side of the building and thanked my timing for allowing me to join class before it started. I hated walking into a full room, everybody is always watching late comers as if they were attractions.

I walked in and ignored the few people already there, and sat in the back far right corner, beside the window. I don't even notice when the teacher enters, and his lecture sounds like a distant echo. I focus on the tree leaves gently swaying on their branch, the wind making them dance. I found that focusing on little things like this helps with not losing myself in thoughts I shouldn't have, with memories I should erase from existence.

I don't notice when someone sits next to me until I feel insistent eyes on me. Something in me is screaming to not turn my head. So I don't.

Not a minute passed without the odd feeling of someone staring at me and my curiosity kept growing.

"Aren't you going to look at me, pet?"