Wanderlust

A cold moment

My heartbeat quickens. Blood rushes around my body faster than the sound of light. I don't even know what to say. There isn't anything I could say. I turn, just slightly, the first thing in my eyeline is you, Lucy. You're there, out in the cold whilst I feel like I'm under the spotlight. Two separate people, two different levels, two different lives. That's where we stand right now. I'm with jade and you're out there on your own. This could be a taste of your own medicine, maybe I'm just overdosing on the immense fear that infects my soul and holds me captive.
"What the actual fuck?" Lucy resumes, "why are you with that slag?"
Confusing isn't the word for my predicament. Complicated, maybe. But why is Lucy a slag? I must know why she has claimed this nickname. What was led you to brand her as a slag? I try to convince Lucy it's not what it seems, an accident, a misunderstanding even, but would she take any of it. No. She is stubborn. Consider me checkmated because I know her next move will leave me stumped. She walks away and, of course, I'm going to have to follow.

The wind bites my neck, my eyes glass over from the shear bitterness and I shiver. In this one moment I can feel the awkwardness of the situation, like a glass full of soda and it's about to overflow with tension. To avoid this, I need to tilt the glass. I must be gentle, strategic. I calmly approach Lucy, putting my hand on her arm until she slaps me away. I feel the sharp connection of her hand on my cold, pale skin.
"You don't get to do this, to play me around, Jacob! Fucking hell if only you knew what that meant in there, how embarrassing it was to see you go in with that..."
I want to interrupt; I should interrupt you and tell you to shut the fuck up. Teach you to understand what you have done to me, maybe even teach you some manners, but no. I stand there like a fool and let you continue. Like I always do.
"Really, you had to do it with her. Jacob, look at me when I'm talking to you"
All I want to tell you is that I care about you. Everything else is irrelevant to me. But I can't contradict myself like that. I go to save a stranded girl from a drunken mess and somehow end up nearly snogging someone else. What have I done? My only instinct is to tell you that it was a pure mistake. All you do is look at me. I don't even know what to say. I can't defend myself. I need you to do something, to say something. Then, it happens. It finally fucking happens. You kiss me. Unexpectedly. I kiss you back, passionately. You put your hand on my face and the other one on my back. I know you want to get closer to me, to feel me against you, it's never been clearer. That is until you let me go. Suddenly you're not kissing me anymore, you're laughing, and I begin to question you.
She hits me, I can see the deceit in her eyes. But yet the flames glow stronger than the lipstick red dress. I can see the pure hatred she has for me. But yet it's so attractive.
She breaks the silence after the kiss with a single sentence.
"I'm sorry, but that was a fucking mistake,"

Your words are harsh, sharp as the cold air against my face. My throats dry, possibly because all of the water in my body is congregated in my eyes. They're blurry. I'm not crying. Is it the wind? Or is it the fucking hatred that pulsates through me right in this very moment. I'm stood there, alone. I'm so infuriated I can feel the emotion seeping into my soul. Anger infiltrates my whole body and all I see is red. I need a fucking drink. I walk back into the bar. Through the bright lights and buzzing crowd my eyes instantly make a b-line for jade. Her pretty face, her even prettier black dress. I envy it, the way it hugs her body, the way I wish I was doing right now. Her little succubus self. She might have ruined my life but she's so hard to resist and now that Lucy's gone what's the point in trying. Dark eyebrows, which are as sharp as the blade she holds. Her lips, which are so easy to latch onto like I'm the appropriate key. Her soft hands, which guide their way to my face. Those mossy, green eyes which taunt me every time I look in them. I could never say no. I want you so bad.

I know you'll give me what I want. I always get that in the end. I'm sure Lucy can wait, wherever she is. For now, I'm busy. I'll take my time on you, you're a whole meal and I plan on enjoying you to the last mouthful. I tell the bartender 2 double vodka and cokes. He returns with the drinks, over and over again. Dozens of shots and drinks down the line we're ready to progress to the next stage. I'm ready.
"You could stay at mine," she offers, with eyes like that I cannot resist. Your eyes are wide and clear. You look so delicate, a tinge of nervousness in your presence. Maybe you're a virgin. No chance. Not looking like that. I know you're going to be fun.

We eventually leave the bar and arrive at her apartment. All she does is open the door. I turn around with the biggest smirk on my face and slam it closed.