tricks of time ― grayson hawthorne [the inheritance games]

037. BREAK ME

A deep sense of guilt floods through my veins. I don't blame Mallory Laughlin— my Mother, for anything she did.

She did it to survive. She did it to keep her family afloat, she did it so her whole life wouldn't be ruined.

"Are you happy now?" She yells. She crumples into her chair, sobbing violently. "You must know," she tells me, looking up. "You must know how it feels like. How your insides curl up whenever you think about what he did to you." Her voice hitches.

I freeze, chills running down my arms and back. My breath shakes. I have to force myself to not look down. The tears pooled in my eyes are threatening to fall now. I swallow, but even that feels like it's taken a large amount of effort.

"Mallory," Oren's voice softens. "I— I am so sorry."

"Throw me out," she says, crying. "I don't care. You got your story. Throw me out!"

"No," he says. "I'm not going to do that."

"Oren," Grayson's voice cuts through the air like a knife.

"Grayson," I say instead. I knot my fingers through his. "Don't."

Hearing me talk to Grayson, Mallory turns to me. "What?" She asks. "Don't you want me out of here?" Her voice is surprisingly soft.

"No," I say, shaking my head as I bite my cheek raw. "No. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna leave you."

"What are you going to do then?" She asks. "There has to be some catch here I'm not understanding. You're not going to let me stay here, with all of you."

"No," I say. "I am. I'm going to let you stay here. With all of us."

"What are you saying?" Grayson exclaims. "You can't let her stay here! Not after what she did to you!"

"Grayson," Alisa's voice warns from the other side of the table. "This is Leah's decision."

"Exactly," I say, forcing my hand tighter over Grayson's. So he knows I'm here. With him. I turn my attention back to Ms. Laughlin— my Mother. "I'm not going to ask you to leave. Unless..." I stop talking, because I can feel my voice about to crack. "Unless you want to, of course."

She shakes her head, so quickly I can barely see it. "I don't understand. Why?"

It takes a lot of courage to say what I say next, but I do. "Because...none of this— none of this was your fault. You didn't deserve what he did to you."

Then I get up and leave the table.

___

Some hours later, I am sprawled out on one of the beds of True North, curled up on my side. My eyes are closed shut, but I am not sleeping.

Just thinking.

"Leah?" A familiar voice that can only be Grayson's tingled down my back.

My eyes flickered open. His face is mere inches from mine. I turn onto my back. I'm slightly scared of what he has to say, but his face warps into a soft smile.

"You're too kind, you know that?"

I instantly know what he's talking about. "I had to, Grayson—" I say. "I couldn't leave her. Not when I knew exactly what she was talking about, how she felt."

He closes his eyes, nods his head. "I know," he whispers. "But I would never have done what you did. You did the right thing, and yet I would never have done what you did."

I turn my head to him. He has moved so that he's laying right next to me.

"I wouldn't have let her stay." He pauses, breathes out for a moment.

I don't move a muscle. I can hear the wind whistling outside— almost like a soothing melody. Eerie, but soothing. The moonlit night is strangely empty.

"We're too different," he says, turning his head so that it's facing the ceiling again. "You're too kind, and if we...if we ever became something, the only thing I would do would be to break you."

I shake my head, frantic at first, before I relax. "I don't care," I say.

"You know it would never— ever work."

"Why are you saying all this?" I ask.

"Because I realized, today at the lunch table, that you give people a second chance. I don't. If I screwed up, if I hurt you, you would forgive me. And it would be a never-ending circle of pain and despair till we're both broken pieces."

"What if I want to be broken?" I whisper. "What if I want to be broken, by you— only you?"

He swallows— doesn't say anything, instead leans into me and kisses me. My eyes flicker shut.

He pulls me into his arms. Breathes in the scent of my hair and kisses the side of my head and I've never  felt  anything  so  incredible  in  my  life.  I'm  not  even human anymore. I'm so much more. I feel like I can be exactly who I want to be in his arms.

Once, twice, until I've had a taste and realize I'll never have enough. He's everywhere up my back and over my arms and suddenly he's kissing me harder, deeper, with a fervent urgent need I've never known before. He breaks for air only to bury his  lips  in  my  neck,  along  my  collarbone,  up  my  chin  and cheeks  and  I'm  gasping  for  oxygen  and I feel like he's  destroying  me with his hands.

"Let's go home," he whispers. "Let's go home, Leah."

authors note

this is the shortest chapter i've ever written!!! i'm not quite sure why i'm telling you guys this buttttt...yeah.

word count: 935 words