midnight love

chapter 2 - henry

i know what you're thinking about me: what an asshole, poor leon.
you might have a point.
but i'm just doing it because of my friends.
doesn't change much, i know - but i didn't start this.
my friends might be assholes, but i'm not. i feel for leon - he's a nice, cute guy who definitly doesn't deserve this treatment. but what can i do? i can't tell anyone what i truly think or they'd label me as faggot too.
sounds like cowardice, i know.
so what - then i am a coward.
it doesn't change anything.
i know i've been an asshole.
i'm sorry. but i can't change. that's just not who i am.

tuesday was a horrible day - shitty soccer practice, a fight with my ex-girlfriend, a rival on the team and an E in the maths exam.
i sat on a bench in a park after school and buried my head in my hands.
i always made fun of the gay kid at school, but when i sat by myself, alone and depressed, i realized all i wanted to do, was to be with him...

i sat in my room, trying to figure things out. was i gay? was i in love with leon? i didn't know and wasn't sure what to do anymore.
my younger sister, Gabriella, knocked on my door.
"henry? are you alright? can i come inside?"
i sighed.
"sure, go ahead.", i answered.
"what's up?" she asked.
"i... might be in love with a guy.."
"oh my god, really? i knew it, youre gay!"
"i'm not gay....am i?!"
"were you attracted to claudia's body, when you were in a relationship with her?"
i tried to think back.
claudia was always beautiful. red haired with green eyes. a perfect figure with curves.
but now that my sister asked me, i remembered that i never really fantasized about claudia's body. and we never slept together even though we were an item for 1 year.
oh god.
my silence was enough answer.
she smiled.
"you should tell him what you feel",
then she left me with my confused thoughts.