.·:*¨ 𝐇𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞

Find the G.O.L.D in someone part 2

I can't talk for myself. But what I do know- is that for part of my whole life I was a terrible child. And I wish to never go back to my wretched past.

One night around 7 pm. I was already 11 years old at the time it had happened. I remember around 4 pm I was crying because I had made my mother angry. I remember telling myself "I'm the worst. Why am I bad?? Why do I have to fail. I'm good for nothing." I always went to the bathroom to cry. It was the only place I could be alone. I remember after I cried for a while I went outside to the front yard and I watched as my best friend was playing with his new friends.

Seeing how much my best friend was happier with his new friends I- i felt happy for him... even if I wasn't his best friend, I was happy he had found friends who made him happier. At that moment I had flash backs. I remembered all the times I had comforted him when he felt useless. I remember making a song  just to cheer him up.

I remember I use to make him meals every morning. We played and I always tried to make him feel special. And now that I was older I remember that every time I prayed I would tell God my father "I only want the best for my best friend. Even if I have to be pushed away." And now I realize that maybe I wasn't enough for him. But I'm glad that my best friend has enough now.

I remember many times he cried because he felt like no one wanted him and so I tried my best to make him feel like he was the most important person in the world. The flash backs stoped once I heard my older sisters voice. I wanted to cry so much. Because I was happy for my friend. But my sister was there. I was cold around my family. I was mean around them and I felt like- if they think I'm mean then so be it.

I had a job every night, because I was old enough to work with my older sister and her friend. So night came and I remember that I tried my best to cheer myself up as much as I could. Every time I worked with my older sister and her friend I would be in a Corner cleaning as I heard my sister laughing with her friend. But this night.. I wanted attention. We went to work as usual, but then I tried talking to them. They pushed me Away, but I was so desperate for attention that I started to be more mean.

I remember thinking to myself "Don't cry. Don't cry" because I wanted to act strong. I thought the only way to get attention and love was to be strong and not show weakness. I started to hurt their feelings by saying terrible words. I then started to ruin their hard work, until my older sister yelled at me. I was angry as I starred at my sister with the most dead eyes I could possibly make. Tears wanted to get out, but I tried my best to hold them in. At that moment when my sister was yelling at me in my mind there was only one thought going through my head- it wasn't "Why" it wasn't "I'm the worst" it was "I'm Sorry God"

My sister grabbed my hand, but I wanted to cry so much that I pushed her away and ran- I ran back home and hid in the bathroom. I remember my mom yelled at me because I was supposed to be at work. I cried in the bathroom with the same words in my head "I'm sorry God!!" I wanted to yell, but what happened next made me burst into tears in-front of everyone.

:Author: I will stop here for this chapter, but the next one will come out shortly.