This week could have been the single worst week of my life. I'll start explain in a minute. Just let me finish ranting about how crappy it was. It was so bad that it made me honestly and truthfully consider suicide. I mean not just like a "oh my god my life sucks" way and forget that I was sad 10 minutes later. I mean I thought and thought about it. I stayed up after midnight just thinking about whether it would be worth it to kill myself. The scariest part is that I decided it would be best, if only I knew what was after death. I decided there is nothing I can do in this world and rather than being repeatedly hurt I should just end it. But there was that fear that something worse is on the other side. That's why I'm still here, writing this journal.
Anyways I'll start on why. My parents officially signed their divorce certificate today. Apparently they both cheated. My mom found out about my dad first. They sometimes fought but always said that they loved each other afterwards. I guess it was all an act. Well I'm sure that others have gone through this to, but my problems don't stop there. After they forced my big brother Nathan and my little sister Angel to pick which parent they wanted to go with they both in a span of seconds. I was the only one undecided. I couldn't chose one of my parents. They then began to fight over me, not who got me but who didn't. Neither of them wanted their own son. Not only was my family split up and o was the only one that cared, but I wasn't even wanted by them. I have 72 hours to decide before they flip a coin. A coin. Who I'm going to live with rests upon the fate of a coin. I never knew my parents were this mean. If there's any better way to break a kids spirit, I don't know what it is. I used to think that my family and I would go through everything together and be there for each other during thick and thing. Apparently I was very, very wrong.
The next thing is Gabby. Our friendship over. She dumped me for jocks. I didn't think she'd change so much. I knew she was becoming distant but last time I spoke to her she literally said "I don't have time for you. Your just some loser who has no friends." So yeah we don't talk. The thing is as far as I know I didn't even do anything. Maybe she was just an ass the whole way and I've never actually noticed it. Apparently now she's too good to hang out with me. Now I have no one.
Either way that's the two things I care about gone from my life, and the world is becoming less and less welcoming every day. Well I should probably get back to my brooding... So bye for now.
