He is home

The first month when we meet...

I'm fifteen. I live in a house with four people, mom, dad and brother. It's hard, I'm the least favourite, my brother gets anything he wants while I'm here just laying in bed thinking why i'm not enough.

My friends always talk about feeling like home when they are with their family, and I always wonder, "what does feeling like home feel like?I've never met someone who felt like home and made me feel like I was actually enough for once, never. I will always stand here, listening to my friends talking about their home, their boyfriends, brothers, sisters, parents and more; and I would just have to agree and nod my head to feel included. I felt ashamed of myself, felt different from them.

At that time, I was feeling like a total outcast.

School days were hard. They will always skip to hang four with their family and I would just lay on the couch wondering why I was never anyone's first choice. I knew that was never going to be the case, I am used to it indeed.

I thought school was a place where we learned about maths, science, english... but in reality it's a place where you learn about the social standards. If you are "hot" your automatically popular, if you are "smart" then you must be a nerd, no one is going to talk to you, if u are "cute" then u are a child, if you are "average" you will be left aside, no one will feel attracted to you. I stand in none, fuck those rules. I'm definitely not popular of course, ew, they are not only mean but also dumber than my nine year old brother.

January, it's a new year. Finally, As I always say,"new year, new me," though that never really happens. This year I started going to the gym with my best friend, May. The first day we went there were a few boys, they were about seventeen years old. They were strong. Little did I know the one guy I talked to was going to end up being my home.

In the gym, I was casually doing bench press, I was about to give up, I felt weak. He gave me a motivational speech, it helped. After a while we had to leave, we said goodbye and set off on different paths. I couldn't take him off my head for days. My friend knew him, so I asked for his name and instagram of course. Though he has already asked for my instagram, fun. I texted him, random question which I knew the answer to, but we needed a conversation starter. Since then we talked and clicked.

I usually don't believe in fate if I'm being honest. But him, if i never had met him i would've not been this happy. I could sit here and talk to him for hours if I wanted to, it never gets boring. He did it.

He felt like home.

                                                    ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

None of my friends really know about him. They will judge. I told one of them and all of the sudden, I'm the bad guy. I'm scared they will leave, but he's not meant to be a secret, my non judgmental friends know about him. They approve, but the ones my age... let's just say they will kill him.

When I met him, I didn't really think he was going to be the one person that felt like home. I didn't really know how home felt till after our date. When I hugged him it just felt safe, safer than my house, it felt comforting, it was like hugging your teddy bear when you are feeling sad.

Due to all my bad experiences with people, I didn't trust he could actually be that kind, sweet and pretty at the same time. I thought that something must be wrong with him. I was wrong indeed, he's just perfect. His light shiny eyes, his light blond hair and his gorgeous smile, looking at him is like looking at perfection. His hugs feel like heaven, his voice feels like an angel is talking and his personality, that's the best part.

Every time I see him in the hallways I get butterflies in my stomach. When he says I'm pretty, I blush and secretly smile underneath my mask. He doesn't know how much that means. He thinks it's something that means nothing to me and that it's just a compliment, little does he know that I think about that when I feel sad.