He is home

March, the month where happy things start...

It's currently March 1st, I haven't seen him the whole day, I've been busy. I did think about him. I found this quote, "For you see, each day I like you more, Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow." and it reminded me how everyday I see him I'm a tiny bit more happier. I don't know how he does it, but it's in his eyes, the sparkle that they have just does it. 

I had a dream, a few years ago, I never could've imagines I would actually want to achieve it with someone. I mentioned this on the first part, yes I know, but I had a total recall from my dream. 

It was about 9 a.m, I had just woken up thirty minutes ago. I'm still wearing my Christmas pj's, and no, it wasn't Christmas, but I love those pyjamas. We had planned to hang out at 3p.m, and of course, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Yes, yes, I was "nervous" we can say, I mean, I am socially award because I never know what to say. I spent ages trying to figure out where my favourite pair of jeans was. And, of course, it was laying on the dresser. I made my outfit and then took a nap, because thats just a lazy habit i got on Saturdays. I got ready, and left. I was a bit late (mom's fault indeed for taking the long route). In my dream, when i arrived something inside me lighted up. I was happy, he made me happy. We went for a walk, it was dark, and it started raining. Rain dripping down our faces. He looked so cute. I laid down on the road, rain running down. It was like a free shower. Music was on, it felt like a movie. I got up and hugged him. It was cold, but when I hugged him everything felt normal after-all. I felt happy and safe.

I don't know how all of the sudden my year is being amazing. In January, me and my best friend "broke" the friendship, so now we don't talk anymore because apparently I was "cheating' on her friendship by having more than one best friend. The she was "jealous" because she likes my guy best friend, who's literally two years younger than me, and whom i've never in my life had feeling for him, she said that I stole him form her, when I met him in 2017 and she met him in 2019, so I knew him first, and I would never try to steal him because there's no point if I don't like him. Plus, GIRL CODE. Anyways, my start of 2022 was a total mess but this past month has been so amazing, i've loved it. Spending time with him>>>>anything. 

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Budapest story time... well... the weekend where my life took a cute little dramatic turn. I was three hours late for the train, yes yes, I did have a mental breakdown and almost gave up. The only person that kept me going was him. I kept thinking that if I didn't go and win I would fail him. The competition day, Saturday, I did what he told me to do, visualise that I'm going to win, and it worked. When he called, I was happy. I was having the worst day of my life on Saturday, I was high on caffeine, like very high. When I was talking to him I was dizzy, though after seeing him smile I kinda forgot about my bad day and focused on how I had actually won and he was proud.

The days when I talk to him are the best days. If he's in a good mood then my day suddenly becomes better.

I think that (if what he said is true) as I make him happy when I'm happy and he makes me happy when he's happy, then when we're together we're happy, but when I tell him I'm sad he won't be as happy. Which is why I'm sad, because I don't want my mood to "affect"him. 

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I have been feeling like shit lately, does anyone know? No. I finished my healing state about 3 weeks ago. Sadly, I met him before I was fully recovered from that one event that turned my life upside down.. but- luckily he survived 3 weeks of me on my healing stage, meaning that right now I can actually be less mysterious. I don't actually think I would've make it past my healing stage if it weren't because he makes me happy. If he wasn't here, I would've probably have killed myself by now to be honest. I guess you can say "he saved me" in a way. 

I know that saying "he saved me" is a bit of a exaggeration indeed, but he did. I mean, no one listened to me before or actually "care" or act like they cared (which in my head its the case, he's acting). I am actually grateful that I met him and i really hope I don't mess this whole thing up because thats what i tend to do, fuck shit over.

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And....He did it again. Another day, another tiny little more happy i am. March, had been terrible if you ask me. Nothing is going the right way, everything I wanted is drifting away. My grades are lowering again, them going from a six in almost every subject, to group projects dropping them to a four. If i'm being one hundred percent honest, the only thing thats making me happy right now is him. My friends have become, mentally, middle schooler, and they make me tired..and they also got nothing in common with me, as I said mentally middle schoolers.

 My happiness rn = him