FYI everything here has been said jokingly so PLEASE do not take anything said here seriously!!
For privacys sake, I won't be adding names
"I hatched from a pterodactyl egg." - Sister
*Me and my sister singing baby shark for no reason*
"The baby shark is dead." - Dad
*Walking through a town and my sister picks up a penny*
"You know that could have a tracker in it, and as soon as they realize its moving they could blow you up." - Me
"Jesus Christ that kid is violent." - Random stranger walking by
"I may sit on a throne of lies but it's still a throne." - Me
*Two of my uncles on a call with my mom headed to the cabin in the mountains that we were renting for spring break*
"We're on top of a hill." - Uncle 1
"WE'RE ON THE EDGE OF A CLIFF!" - Uncle 2
"Look ahead of us. That's Kansas. See anything? No, that's because it's Kansas." - Grandpa
*Asking if my grandma thought the people at Subway would look at me weird if I asked for two clashing ice cream flavors*
"I don't think they'll look at you weird as long as you got money." - Grandma
*Me and my sister talking about wanting s'mores*
"I want the fire more than I want the s'mores." - Sister
*Talking about how people cooled off before AC's were invented*
"Before people had AC they died of heat stroke." - Sister
"Excuse me, cold spaghetti is good." - Sister
"How'd the haircut go? - Grandma
"I don't know, it was over my head" - Grandpa
*Me and my sister talking about practicing roundoffs*
"It'd probably be easier on the track." - Me
"Does it look like I'm going to do it on the bleachers?!" - Sister
*I got a whiteboard and my dad made up quotes to put on there*
I can't come fight trolls today. I still haven't gotten my hair done this month and I'm just not ready to be seen in public. - Dad
*Discussing Christmas presents, and saying I didn't know what to get my dad, so I said (jokingly) that I'd probably just end up getting him a giant candy bar, but he has diabetes, so he said this is what he would (also jokingly) say*
"Thank you for the candy bar you murderous bitch." - Dad
"I don't think any of the Disney princesses did math. Well, Cinderella did math. Two minus one equals one. She got that part." - Dad
"Do you think that Burger King and Dairy Queen are married?" - Sister
*My mom has an app that grades her eating habits*
"She's got a C+. She's doing better in food than I'm doing in math." - Sister
*This takes place on Facebook by the way*
"It's annoying sci-fi geek week. Time for the incessant and bad Star Wars jokes." - Uncle 2
"I'm unfriending you." - Uncle 1
"You do it and I take half of your Star Wars collectibles." - Uncle 2
"When I die, you should bury me with my butt up so everyone can kiss my ass." - Dad
*heh no context*
"They're planting 5-year olds?" - Me
*Talking about participation vs precipitation*
"I'm not participating in falling out of the sky. Y'all can do that on your own. I'll take pictures. - Dad
*Yes this is a bad Taylor Swift joke about fries*
"Death by a thousand crinkle cuts." - Me
"The fact that I know a Justin Bieber song word for word is terrifying." - Me
*Over text messages, talking about funny put down lines*
"I like myself how I like my coffee. Dark, bitter, and too hot for you ;D" - E
"I have things to see and people to do." - M
*Talking about what would happen if we nuked the moon in science class*
"It'd be like throwing a paper clip at a semi-truck." - A
"Because I have rocks in my head." - PR
"You look like you're about to sell me a house. Please don't, they're expensive." - I
*Said after a wildly wrong trivia guess*
"It's 1988 men's figuring skating, not 2008 Olympic swimming." - Mr. B
"Do you know what my objective is everyday? To bring a smile to someone's face, and to piss someone off. I'm about 15 years ahead of schedule on one of them." - B
