chapter 2 and 3 revision Needed El chicano

El chicano, 1984

Chapter 2

Oscar, King Kilo.

I don't know if you're even gonna listen to this or I don't know if I'll be dead, or alive, or in jail but if you wanna know why I started slinging dope you have to go back to when I was a child. It does not start with a kid who's ignorant who reacts on impulse,No No No, This a kid who's been dysfunctional since the earliest of his memories. My parents lack of presence kinda fueled it but with my mom not being there or my father I felt alone. I was always told why I probably did these things, but first you have to understand how I saw things. I would pray for something to come into my life to save my life and then I saw it.I saw a Score ,this Score was something special, it could pay my mom's bills, my pops wouldn't have to hustle and bust his ass off by working 3 jobs. It was love at first sight even like a prince seeing his princess his first time All I can remember was being on my knees praying that any type of opportunity would present itself to me so I can get my OG's straight. I saw my mom's and pops hustling all my life. My mom would never rest because she would be taking care of me and my brothers. My pops often worked three jobs where he would not rest and it got to the point where he would not be there for us because he was so busy, but for his family he would move mountains for us to just get by. I wish it wasn't like this, I wish we truly had the American dream that my parents and I were promised when we were smuggled across the border. I'm blessed with the family I have and with me and my brother Gordy's. His real name is Galeno but since my brother's chunky , we call him Gordy's but me and him are only 2 years apart but He's older, and fights dirtier so you know how that goes. We fight alot but at the end of the day I know we got each othersback.Then tragedy struck when I was 16 I lost Gordy's due to a drive-by gone wrong because I owed blood money,but in reality they just wanted to make me feel pain and what they felt. Before I even get there I gotta tell you why I owed the money and the best way to start is by saying this I thought by eyeing out this score that I was so obsessed with I thought I could simply get the score, and face no consequences. I wish I knew that every solution comes with a consequence and this consequence was a pandemic of self hatred, greed, and fueled by self destruction. I feel like no one would understand unless you yourself are on that corner slinging dope, or associated with somebody who does,or the people who consume it. Even then we all view it a different with the people consuming it can be multiple reasons but the first excuse I heard was it made them feel alive, on the other side it made them feel like they were looking for a escape, a ride to get them away from the environment they so desperately wanted to get out of. I don't know why but for those on the corner, there's two reasons, they rather felt like they had to to leave the area, or to prove to themselves and project their insecurities on others, but you see me and those people never got along so with my ideologies, with my beliefs of uniting the communities and feed everybody because everybodys on the same coin, just on the different side. Those who oppose me tend to strike first, strike ruthlessly , and make sure no one tries to test them. People like me acted like a true OG to this business,, laid back, asses the situation, scope out the area and make sure it works out in my favor, the night where I lost him that was all out the window, it was pure blood lust, even then I don't know where I am at..?

It feels cold, It feels like I am about to pass away and go into a state of permanent peace , a sleep so peaceful it feels like I can rest, am I dead? And Is this me heading into my grave ? Is this me being unconscious and then waking up to cuffs on my hand and heading off to rot in a cell where from the age of 7 I was destined to be behind bars? I don't know if I'm just bleeding out slowly, and I'll be alright but it sounds like I have to cut this short but before you cry or ask what am I talking about I'll bring you back way back when to the first girl who caught my dreams. Eve.

I ... saw her, her hair blowing into the direction of the wind, her eyes sparkled whenever she would laugh, her smile, the smile so bright could bring stable electricity throughout all the hoods in Chicago. I know somebody like her would never love a boy like me, so now I am gonna start dressing more cleaner with some khakis, a crisp black tee my hair slick backed and white chucks that are whiter than the snow in Chicago, whiter than the skin of her racist grandparents who said all Mexicans are stealing their jobs, and then whiter than the dope I am slanging. I'm going to Study more, and see if I catch her attention because when we lock eyes, I can feel something her energy feels unreal. I don't know what it is but I feel like it is love at first sight. Call me young and naive but I'm willing to better myself so she can notice me and that her family will not project their prejudiced beliefs onto me ,if they met me I know they would love me. I know she won't like how I'm posted up everyday around that corner, ensuring a promising future for my family but maybe one day I could have my own family, and have my own shop. I know I can talk about how she makes me feel whenever we are exchanging notes in math class, and how that smile shines brighter than any dream I ever dreamt of.