Just A Little Tired (Kuroken)

|1| Small Thunder

Kenma's POV

"I'm okay, Kuroo, really... just a little tired." I sighed, sinking into my oversized hoodie. "But that's what you've been saying for the past few months, Ken." Kuroo echoed my sigh, plopping down on the bed next to me. We were at a training camp with Shiratorizawa, Karasuno, Aoba Johsai, and Date Tech in Hiroshima, Japan, and I just so happened to be sharing a room with Nekoma's team captain... Tetsuro Kuroo. My best friend, my picker-upper, the one person who holds me together and keeps me from ending myself.

"Is something wrong?" Kuroo asked, continuing, "Y'know, I'm always here if you need me." I just shook my head. Social interactions weren't really my thing. "Nope. Don't really need anything. Well, actually, I'm tired." I forced a yawn that seemed to persuade him. "If you say so. Guess it's pretty late. G'night." I laid down to be extra convincing but was positive I couldn't sleep. I was right. About an hour later, when Kuroo was snoring away, I sat up, unable to sleep. I crept out of bed, careful not to wake Kuroo, and walked into the bathroom. I twirled my knife that I kept in my hand for a few moments. I tossed it into my left hand and cut my right shoulder with it, slicing across my skin and pain searing through me. The pain was comfortable though. Comfortable pain. I winced. Some of it in relief, but most of it in pain. I let the gash bleed until it stopped completely, satisfied with the crimson liquid running down my arm. I rinsed away the blood and didn't bother bandaging the gash. I did want to die, after all.

I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling until about two hours before our alarms were scheduled to go off. I then sat up in my bed against the wall playing games on my phone as the alarm went off, startling me slightly. I ruffled my hair so it looked like I'd actually slept and put my headphones on to avoid most social interactions. The only person able to walk around every single one of my precautions was Kuroo, who was still completely out of it even after the continuous ringing of the alarm. I snoozed the alarm on my side table and quickly jumped off to turn off Kuroo's. I don't know why we had these set so early. Apparently, it did eventually wake my best friend, because he yawned, stretched, and swung his arm blindly at me. "Turn it off..." he mumbled. I rolled my eyes playfully even though he couldn't see it. "It's off." I said. "Thank you..." I sat back down on my bed and leaned against the wall, staring at the ceiling as Kuroo fell back asleep. I lifted my hand so it was parallel with the ceiling, sighing quietly. Then it flashed through my mind and I winced.

WHY DON'T YOU DO IT LIKE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE DONE?! YOU'RE OFF BY ONE TENTH OF A CENTIMETER! YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS, KENMA.

I shuddered, blinking back tears at the sudden memory. I didn't mean to, but I started humming out loud one of the songs I wrote a while ago. And then I started singing it under my breath.

Roses are red, Violets are crying, the voices in my head scream that I'm dying.

Death is unfair, it comes to those who don't need it

But it skips over the people who ask for it

Roses are red, black threads unraveling, the voices in my head scream that I'm dying

I wish I could change what I've already done

I wish I still had hope for a certain someone

I wish I could move but I feel paralyzed

I wish I could breathe but I'm hypnotized

I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes without finishing. It hurt. And I'd probably wake Kuroo. So I asked myself a few questions.

What is "life"? What do you do in "life"? What is the purpose of "life"?

Kuroo's POV

I woke up roughly an hour after I'd woken up before. Kenma was sitting on his bed, his hand and his gaze toward the ceiling. His eyes and expression were really spacey and unfocused and I don't think he noticed me sitting up or getting out of bed. I contemplated whether to talk to him or not for about two seconds, then said, "Morning, Kenma." He dropped his hand and blinked, lifting his head, which was leaning against the wall totally limply. "G-Good morning." he said quietly. "Something wrong?" I asked. He shook his head as he usually did whenever I asked a question like that. I decided it was nothing and dragged him down to have breakfast with the rest of the team.

...

After breakfast, we did some four or four and had some group trust exercises. We weren't supposed to play other teams until tomorrow but we tuckered ourselves out and all went to bed around ten pm. Kenma looked normal, I guess, his skin pale as usual and his eyes distant and tired, but today, more so. "More than just a little tired today, eh?" I asked as I plopped down on my bed. Kenma shrugged. "Guess." "Long day," I commented. "Yeah." Kenma agreed quietly, but I got no further response. It was quiet, almost eerily. It started to rain, small, clear blue drops of water trickling against the window. I didn't like rain. It was just weird. And then the wind and thunder started, followed by bright, flashing, golden streaks of lightning in the sky. I shuddered. Thunderstorms were the worst, especially if they were loud thunderstorms. "Kuroo? You okay?" Kenma's nearly inaudible question snapped me out of my thoughts. It was so quiet that I didn't realize that he was sitting next to me until I blinked and refocused all my senses. He could probably tell that I wasn't okay because my hands were shaking, but I tried to hide it the best I could despite that.

"I-I'm okay." I said after a minute. Kenma shifted. "You're not, are you..."he started hesitantly. "I swear, I'm fine." I argued. He shook his head. "Kuroo, look, I know what 'not okay' looks like. What's wrong?" He studied me carefully with his gaze and I knew there was no escape. "I'm a... a little scared of thunderstorms." I admitted. He frowned. "A little?" "I'm pretty scared of thunderstorms." I hastily changed it. Kenma got up and grabbed something from his bed. He then came back and handed me his headphones without making eye contact. "These should help. I'm not using them anyways. Keep 'em as long as you want." he mumbled. I grinned. "Thanks, Kenma." He just nodded and walked back to his bed, sitting on it and staring up at the ceiling. I connected the headphones to my phone and used Spotify to tune out the noisy storm. Honestly, I was surprised it worked– and even more surprised it put me to sleep.

...

I woke up to the sound of my screeching alarm and immediately slammed the snooze button with my fist. I sat up, a little confused as to why I still heard an alarm. I quickly realized it was Kenma's and fumbled with his alarm until I got it to shut up. I was surprised to see Kenma still asleep. I had a feeling he didn't sleep much but faked waking up before anyone. Kenma was lying on his stomach, his head on the pillow, tilted slightly, and clinging tightly to the same pillow. Muffled snores escaped from him and I found myself staring. I've never seen him like this before. It was cute, I found.