Just A Little Tired (Kuroken)

|2| "Not Okay"

Kenma's POV

I wasn't sure how I fell asleep. Probably the wind and rain. Those things always made me sleepy. But I was having the weirdest dream about nothing in particular. I was just sitting there, watching black being painted over white and the white being painted over the black. And I couldn't figure out its meaning.

I woke up to the sound of rain, which convinced me to stay asleep or at least try to. Kuroo didn't want me to, apparently. "Eh? Kenma? You awake?" he asked. I sat up. "Mhmm.." I mumbled. "How long have you been up...?" I added. "Dunno, maybe an hour?" Kuroo replied. "Mmm..." Why was I so tired?

Kuroo sighed as I sat up, shielding my eyes from the light pouring in through the window. "How much have you been sleeping lately, Kenma?" he asked. "W-Why do you ask that all of a sudden?!" I realized how panicked I sounded and toned it down a little. "And why are you so curious about it?" "Because I know the answer and wanna know if you'll tell your best friend." He shrugged. I bit back a groan. "Not much, okay? Don't make a big deal out of it though..." I sighed and bitterly cursed in my mind. "Are you feeling okay? You look really upset with me. Did I say something? K-Kenma, tell me!" I bit my lip. I looked upset? I tried so hard to cover that up... "It's nothing, don't worry 'bout it." I said calmly, despite my inner mix of frustrated emotions. "Kenma! Last night you told me what 'not okay' looks like! I think I figured out what it looks like! Tell me what's bothering you, I've always been here, haven't I? Am I a bad friend?" Kuroo quieted. "N-No! You're a great friend, Ku, but sometimes I'd rather keep things to myself..." I mumbled. "Kenma, talk to me, I told you a big secret last night, I trust you, is it too much for me to ask that you return that trust?" I realized only then how heavily he was breathing. The last straw was that he, in that moment, reminded me of my father. And I broke.

Tears ran down my face and I couldn't stop them. "I'm sorry. I'm so weak." I whispered, wiping my left eye with the palm of my hand. "No, Kenma,no, you're not... just tell me what's wrong and I promise I'll help." Kuroo gripped one of my hands in both of his. Before I could reply, there was a knock at the door. "You two ready? We're about to start our practice match against Karasuno." "Be there in a minute, Yuka! Kenma's not feeling well so he's not coming though, so could Konoha set?" I opened my mouth to argue but Kuroo put a hand over my mouth and shook his head. "Yeah, I think Konoha can set. Kenma asleep?" "Yes. He is asleep." Kuroo said, his gaze steadily fixed on me. I sighed, giving in.

Kuroo's POV

When we got to the gym, Hinata was all over me. "Hey, where's Kenma? Was hoping to talk to him today." he said. "Not feeling well, he stayed behind. Even though we're leaving tonight, you have his number, don't you?" "Yeh, guess so, but probably shouldn't bother him if he's sick... need any soup or anything? Do you think he-" "SHOOOOYOOOOOO!" Kageyama shouted. "Gotta fly, Tetsuro-" Hinata turned on his heel and sprinted across the gym, yelling, "What, babe?!" I laughed. I didn't know they were together yet. But my argument with Kenma haunted the back of my mind and I couldn't discard the feeling that I still didn't know something.

After the match (we lost because even with Konoha serving, it was distorted because we were used to Kenma's tosses), I walked back to the room and rested my hand on the door handle tentatively. I didn't open the door though. I heard soft singing from inside the room.

I've been hurting for so long

From dusk to dawn, I hide it all

When I'm alone, I realize

How much it hurts, my disguise

I hate pretending to be happy

But if someone asks, I'll say "gladly"

Because I know I will fail

Even if they don't see that

Those nights of crying

Those hours spent dying

Those minutes spent trying it all

Making sure I don't fall–

I threw the door open and Kenma quickly fell silent. His voice was angelic but it was filled with so much pain and suffering. He didn't say anything and neither did I. But he looked like he'd been crying. A lot. And I hated the realization that I left him like that. I must be the best at being "The World's Worst Best Friend". "Hey, Kenma, look, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't know how to deal with it, I guess I was just overwhelmed. I'm sorry, tell me how I can make it up to you." I said. Kenma mumbled something. "Sorry...?" I asked. He winced. "N-No, you don't have to make anything up... It's fine... It's my fault anyway." he mumbled. I sighed. I had a feeling he hadn't really forgiven me yet. So I gave him some space as we packed to go back to Tokyo, where Nekoma High was. That was hard. I always talked to Kenma about everything. Not that he did the same, but... I just liked to vent to Kenma and he'd always listen and give me advice if I asked for it. But I kept quiet because Kenma looked really depressed and upset. More than usual.

Around eight thirty, the bus came and it was really noisy. Kenma sat next to me because I kind of made him, but I let him take the window seat. He was sitting with his knees drawn to his chest, staring blankly out the window, expressionless. "Kenma! Feeling better?" Yuka asked. Kenma's eyes flashed with something else... but only briefly. "Y-Yeah. Thanks." he said quietly. Yuka smiled and went back to his conversation with Konoha. I wanted so badly to make up with Kenma and just to comfort him and let him vent and cry and do whatever he needed so it would all be bottled up anymore. It was starting to become more and more obvious that he was hiding all that pain and anger and sadness, hiding behind a fake smile that was dangerously sorrowful. He knew what 'not okay' was. He told me. He told me he knew what it looked like. But I think he's ignoring the fact that he was definitely not okay.