The White Shadow

6. Only Life and Death

Firmin took a deep breath. He had to be brave. He needed to know. He needed to see her and talk to her. He was so sure he could solve something.

He snuck from camp, unsure how long he'd have until he was noticed to be missing.

He stopped, seeing her in front of him. Like she'd been looking for him also.

"Are you following me?" he asked, shivers parading up and down his entire body.

She didn't answer. She tilted her head a little, blinking as she circled around him.

"What do you want?" he whispered, standing still but holding her gaze.

Her breath feathered from her lips. He felt a cool breeze against his skin, even as she was too far yet. His hand twitched towards her.

As she continued, eyes searching him, he felt his heart fluorescently beating.

"Do I terrify you?" she asked, taking a step closer to him. "Or do you feel alive?"

Both were true.

"What do you want?"

"I want to hold your hand," she said. Her blatant answer had him blinking. "It's been...so long since I've actually touched someone with my own hands. Skin to skin." She stepped forward, tentatively, as if it was a big risk. Then she snatched his hand and held it up to her face, a soft smile blossoming. He could almost taste how sweet she looked.

Then her large eyes swam, and her lips quivered. "So much...sorrow."

He couldn't help the wave of heaviness that swept through his body, and he sniffed. "He just killed him."

He thought of Briston, how he'd always taken unabashed care of Firmin.

Reina held his hand up to her face, burying her face against it. He didn't know what she was doing until he felt his hand moisten. She was crying.

"So much pain," she whispered.

Firmin blinked but tears pricked his own eyes. His chest heaved. He felt like lately, there was a hand clamped around his heart, and now it was almost painful. But upon her words, he felt it release suddenly, and he couldn't help the sob that shuddered through his body.

She leaned against his chest. Before he could move or say something, she spoke. "There is so much in your heart. It's so...strange. It's beautiful."

Her words shocked him a little. He felt like an ugly mess at times, especially of recent. Confused with anguish and uncertainty. "Why would you say that? Anyone knows this is just a pathetic phase. I know death is a normal part of life, I just don't know how to handle it all sometimes. But anyone can admit the pain is not beautiful."

"I don't," she said. "I have been robbed of knowing this. I don't understand why everyone runs from me. I don't understand what it means when they look me in the eye with fire."

"Because you are a demon, and you kill."

"I don't mean to," she said, looking up at him, eyes wide. "And if anything, it's because whenever I am around someone, it takes over. To protect me. To give me life. It's simply a cycle. And there is no point in trying to control the natural way of things."

"Then what is this?" Firmin asked, setting his hands on her shoulders gently. Her familiar scent of flowers and pine calmed his nerves as her touch stirred him.

She glanced down, as if searching for an answer before raising her questioning eyes back to his again.

Firmin's heart pounded. "Perhaps you can learn. To live like the rest of us."