michael in the bathroom

"i don't have any friends. you are not my friend. stop pretending that you fucking care."

i watch as she runs off. what do i do now? she isn't okay. do i go after her? should i call her?

it doesnt matter anyway. she's gone now. she's left me. the only person i want to be here with. nobody else here likes me. not really. should i leave? should i just leave? no, they'll laugh about you leaving so early, you can't leave.

the music gets louder, everyone yelling and laughing, it all gets so loud until i all i want to do is scream. i run, find my way to the nearest bathroom.

for fucks sake. i'm such a loser. i'm at the solitaire party and now i'm just sat in some bathroom. i stand by the sink and take my glasses off. why did tori just leave me? why would she just leave? why did she say i don't care? i do care, i really do. how hard do i have to try for fucks sake. god what a dick, my friend is obviously struggling and i'm complaining about that? fucking hell.

i miss tori. i wish she was still here. i wish ben hadn't gotten beat up, she'd still be here then. we'd be dancing together and laughing. for fucks sake i ruin everything. stupid fucking michael holden. no one would even care if i did leave.

i pick at the grout on the floor, back leant against the wall. i wish and i wish and i wish she was still here. i don't know what to do now. when do i turn up again? should i text her now? or call her? she probably wouldn't reply, but what if it makes it better? fuck.

i hope she's okay. i know she isn't but, maybe charlie talked to her once she got home. maybe he made her feel a bit better? i hope so.

shit. i can hear footsteps and laughing. they're getting closer, someones coming upstairs.

"i wanna dance with somebody!" she giggles, and i hear a door close somewhere else. i wish tori was here, she'd have found that so funny.

what if she doesn't want to be friends still? what if she hates me now? fuck, i wish i hadn't had those drinks. i go to itch my cheek and my face is wet. when did that happen?

i'm not coming out. i can stay here all night if i need to. i don't care. no one will miss me. i'm just stupid michael. stupid fucking michael holden in the bathroom. idiot. idiot. fucking idiot.

i stand up and start to pace, i can't stay still any longer. i want to hit something. i want to kick and scream and punch. i fucking hate myself. why the fuck am i like this. all because tori left me? fucks sake michael.

someone knocks on the door. oh god. oh shit.

they knock again. "oh, i'll be out soon!" fuck. i don't want to leave. i can't face everyone. have them ask me 'oh michael where'd you go? i was gunna talk to you some more about solitaire!' yeah right. like that'd ever happen. nobody here cares about you. they all fucking hate you. you idiot. god tori, why did you leave me here? in this teenage battle zone?

they knock again. oh god. i don't know what to do. what do i do. oh my god why did i even come here nobody likes me here at all oh my god

i stumble to the sink and throw some water in my face. that makes me feel slightly better. i open the door, glasses on, wide grin, as prepared as i can be.

fuck.

i go back to the sink, take my glasses off once again, and put my hands on the sides of it, holding myself up. no one was there anymore. for fucks sake. i stare at myself in the mirror and it fully sinks in, there's no way i can deny it. nobody here likes me, the one person that did like me ran away from me. and now i'm just some loser. in a random bathroom. alone. like always.

i sink to the floor once more and start to cry. sob, to be more accurate. for fucking hells sake. i don't normally cry, i always try my hardest not to, whenever i do it takes so long to stop.

i'm so disgusting. i'm lying here, on the floor of some bathroom in some house, crying. it's not even clean either, there's a literal condom on the floor, along with loads of plastic cups and bits of food.

i really shouldn't have come. i shouldn't have come. tori didn't want to come, but i made her. i should have just stayed at home. anything there would be better than this. i still would have known what had happened. and i would have saved tori from such a shit night for her. fucking dumbass michael holden.

fucking dumbass michael holden. nobody. here. likes me. at all. it's been made pretty clear many times before. yet since i'm such an idiot i keep trying to impress people. and i just annoy them. i think back to that kid who called me a wanker not that long ago. i didn't provoke him, he wasn't with a group of friends. he had no reason to say that, other than his fucking hatred for me. fucking stupid michael holden.

i stay layed there on the floor for quite a while. i don't know how long. but the noise from downstairs starts to die down and i can hear things being moved around. the party must be over. i stand up, put my glasses back on and walk back downstairs to leave.

"thanks for coming! michael, was is?" one of the hosts ask. i assume he's the owner of the house, or maybe he was security. i spoke to him when we came in.

"yeah, yeah it was! thanks for having me, im so glad i came! have a good night!" i shoot him my signature smile, which drops the very second i turn from him. dumbass idiot michael holden.