Honest Illusions [niall horan]

Chapter 10

Niall's P.O.V.

Despite the numerous efforts I took to avoid dragging myself any further into Aubrey's binder, they all proved to be more than fruitless. I found myself sat at the edge of the hotel's king size bed, blankly staring at the white plastic item. It was hard to concentrate on anything that wasn't related to that damn binder. Each edge of the many sheets, clipped inside, increased my curiosity by ten fold. After reading the first line, I honestly couldn't predict what was lying ahead of me to read. Knowing Aubrey and her passion for writing, the contents of the writing was definitely going to blow me away. But whether it was for better or worse was the burning question eating away at my mind.

Eight o'clock in the evening, nearly five hours after acquiring the binder, and I still couldn't bring myself to read past the first line. It wasn't that I didn't want to, but I just couldn't bare the idea of triggering my past with her. Earlier, during our argument, my heart wanted nothing more than to run up to her and envelop her in my arms. Contrary to my beating heart, my brain halted any further feelings of affection towards her because I was reminded of the constant and evident hurt that was buried within me.

"For god's sake," I sighed out loud before pushing my self off of the soft mattress and made my way towards the table I had thrown the binder on. With shaky hands, I grabbed it, took a seat on one of the red velvet colored leather chairs, and glued my eyes to the first page.

Fairy tales were always something that I never saw as attainable, but Niall Horan managed to make me happier than any fairy tale princess. My kingdom was anywhere he was. Niall brought such a positive aura of happiness and life anywhere he went; one of the many admirable characteristics he held. He was more than capable of turning a horrible and heart breaking moment into one of pure joy and compassion. Never once did I witness him put himself before others, rather he was the most self-less person I had ever gotten the pleasure of meeting.

"Selfless," I breathed out as my finger mindlessly drew invisible lines under the word. For some reason that portion caught my attention the most, not that the other parts didn't, but I felt a few tugs at my heart strings. Being selfish was definitely not anything I associated myself with, but I never would have gone far enough to say I was selfless. Apparently, Aubrey knew me better than I knew myself. Then again this could all be a giant fabrication of lies. Shaking those thoughts from my head, I continued reading.

Growing up, my life was a series of up and downs, to put it simply. I had to endure the unfortunate loss of my mother at the mere age of ten. It sucked more than I could ever describe. My brother was less than a year old, my dad was caught up juggling work, a home, a family, and the tragic loss of his beloved wife- my mother. I remember a few weeks following my mother's death, I ran up to him after finishing my math homework while he was sat at the kitchen table blankly staring at the ceiling.

"Daddy?" I had asked, a little confused as to why he seemed to be in a completely different realm.

"Yes sweetheart?" My question snapped him out of his trance.

"Why do the best people die?" I asked, walking closer to him. He had let out a deep sigh before pulling me in to sit on his lap.

"When you're in a garden, which flowers do you pick?" My dad asked me, his eyes beginning to transform into their familiar glistening state.

"The most beautiful ones," I automatically replied.

"Exactly, your mom was the most beautiful flower in the world's garden." And it was in that moment I realized how deeply in love my dad was with my mom. From that day onward, I noticed more and more how much he loved her. Years later, I found myself in my father's footsteps. I met someone who had literally stolen my heart. It took me a whole hell lot of a time to realize it, but I finally realized. Too bad I was too late.