Letting Love In Barson Story

Chapter 5

Author's note To be safe this chapter is rated M, because of the conversation.

Olivia slowly picked up the note, she glanced at it's words. She picked up the novel, wishing she didn't know what it was. She glanced at the cover, and turned the book over, remembering the first time she saw it, and the first time she understood what it meant. She picked up the envelope, and placed the items of her past inside. She closed it. "I'll be right back." She whispered.

Rafael nodded, without saying a word. He had words at the tip of his tongue, but he knew Olivia, he knew she needed the distance, and the silence, He watched her carry the yellow envelope to her room. He was relieved when she returned to the living area 15 minutes later. She walked to the coffee table, picked up her cup, and took a long, slow sip of tea. She slowly put the cup down. She walked until she was standing directly across from Rafael. She just stared at him for 2 full minutes before breaking the silence. "Do you want to see what's on TV? I heard there's a Castle marathon tonight."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. How often do we get to watch TV together?"
Rafael opened his mouth, no sound came out. He took 3 steps closer to her. "You're speechless, nice to know I can do that to you."

At these words, he stepped even closer to her. "Olivia, we need to talk about this. You need to talk about it. I hope you talked to Dr. Lindstrom about it."

"No, I didn't, there's nothing to talk about."

Rafael took another step closer to her. He could almost touch her now. "Olivia." He said in one of his best courtroom voices.

"Rafael, you're a great interrogator. The best I've seen outside of an interrogation room, maybe that's why we work, but I'm exhausted. Let's just enjoy the rest of the night."

"Olivia. you're avoiding this."

"No, Rafa, I'm not avoiding, there's nothing to avoid. Dr. Lindstrom doesn't know about that person, because there is nothing to know, and for the record, you know more about me than he does. He's a therapist. You're my best friend, my confidant, the man I love."

Rafael stepped closer to the woman he adored. "Can I touch you right now?"

"Yes, Rafa, I want you to."

He reached for her hands which were intertwined.. He held them with care. She was his life, and he needed her to know that. "Olivia, you can tell me anything. Don't be afraid. Nothing you say can take my love away from you. You own my heart, it's you. You're it for me, Olivia." Rafael begged in a whisper.

"Rafa I would hate it if you ever felt you couldn't talk to me about something. You hear me?" Rafael was silent , and Olivia repeated herself. "Do you hear me?"

"I hear you." He confirmed, squeezing her hands. He flashed her the half smile, he reserved only for her.

"I'm so sorry. Rafa... That... you have worried about this for an entire week." Her voice cracked.Olivia lowered her eyes, it made her sick that what happened last week was causing him so much anxiety. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to torture you like that."

"Hey. hey. look at me." He said, placing his finger under her chin. "Look at me. You did nothing wrong." Her brown eyes met his green ones. "You have nothing to apologize for, Olivia. I just want to know what's upsetting you, let me help. You bury so many painful things. I get it, but if you don't deal with these things, they catch up with you. Believe me. If you don't want to tell me. I understand, tell someone."

"No! I want to talk to you!" Olivia said, adamantly, squeezing his hand. "I just don't want you worrying about me."

"Too bad. I love you, it comes with the territory."

"I worry about you too, that's why I don't want you worrying about me." I love you."

"I know." He answered, pulling her into a hug, and moving them a few feet. They stayed like that for several minutes before Olivia moved out of the hug, she walked a few feet away from the man she loved. She stood directly in front of him.Olivia looked down, and sighed. After a second, she lifted her head, and locked her eyes with his.

"I trust you, Rafa." She said, softly.Rafael nodded his head, acknowledging her trust, and encouraging her to open up. Suddenly, Olivia began to speak. "Larry Holland was an English professor. He became a colleague of Serena, my mother, when I was 14. Serena was brilliant."

"Like her daughter." Rafael said, softly.

"No", Olivia said, shaking her head. "No, Serena was brilliant. She could have gone to any university she wanted to, if she could afford it,. She couldn't, so she was raped, and I came along." She said softly.

"Olivia it's not your fault." Rafael said, in courtroom style. Guilt washed over him, he wanted Olivia to get this story out as painlessly as possible. He shouldn't have said anything. He should have let her get the whole story out before saying anything.

"I know, I didn't do it." Olivia answered. "Larry, and my mother had a lot in common. She started meeting him once a month for dinner, then it became once a week. When I was 15, he came over to our apartment for the first time. I never had a father, I liked Larry. He started checking my English and math homework. He gave me literature, good literature. He taught me some French.

I told you my mother was raped, and I was a product of that rape. She decided for the first time since that rape that she wanted a sex life. You never trusted men, especially after the rape. She trusted Larry. One day, it was a Wednesday, in July, he handed me that envelope. I opened it in my room, and there they were a note from Larry Holland, and a copy of Lolitia. I had never read Lolitia, I didn't know what it was about. He had given me books before. I liked them. I learned so many things from the books he gave me, so many good things. I read Lolitia. Obviously it was inappropriate. Rafa, I know what you must be thinking."

"There aren't too many ways to interpret the situation. He gave you a copy of Lolitia. Lolitia rationalizes the mind-set of all rapists."Rafael replied." I read it in University, and I was uncomfortable. You were 15, Olivia. He gave you a note that he thought of you when he read Lolitia. That was a message."

"I know that, but I handled it then. It's over. Larry Holland can't hurt me, Rafa. I want to be very clear, he didn't do what you're thinking he did. You don't have to worry." Olivia, walked across the floor into Rafael's arms.