I'LL NEVER LEAVE (one shot story)

I'LL NEVER LEAVE

"Can we talk?" I asked Shawn and he nodded in response. 

We walked for a minute until i broke the silence. 

"Let's end this." I said without looking at him. He stop in his track without telling a word. 

"I said let's end this." I waited for his answer but he just stood there, his hands clenched. 

I thought he wont speak so i decided to repeat again but then he said "Why." And he's not asking. Instead it was plain, cold, and confused. 

"Do i need to have a reason for breaking up with you?" I faced him pero nakatingin lang siya sa malayo. 

"Why." 

I looked at him confused and mad. 

"Because—"

"Because what?" He asked facing me. Siya na ang naghihintay ng sagot but i only said nothing. Nakayuko lang ako para hindi ko siya makita. I needed this. I'm....I'm—

"Say it." I look up to see him but i bowed my head again. I cant.

I cant say it.

"Say it, Yen. Tell me why." Kalmado lang siya nang sabihin 'yon. "Tell me nang maayos ko."

He put his hands on my shoulder and i started to tear up. "I'm tired."

I wiped my tears away as i look at him. "I'm tired, Shawn." 

He let me go and stared at me. Lumayo siya ng konti at alam ko kung ano ang gusto niya.

"This past few months, i feel like you are so distant to me. Our conversations were only like 'kumain ka na ba', 'kamusta ka na', 'ayos ka lang ba ngayon'. Nakakapagod ka. I know communication is not that important but how can we last long if we cant even talk properly. How can we last long if it's not only the happiness that's lost in me. But also the person who once gave me. I'm so tired holding that chain when its melting." I tried to wipe my tears but its no longer unstoppable kaya hinayaan ko nalang. 

"Pagod na pagod na akong lumaban pero ginagawa ko pa rin kasi mahal kita. Kasi akala ko may ilalaban pa. Kahit konting spark lang, pero wala. Wala na kasi pati ikaw lumisan din. Kaya tama na. Pagod na pagod na ako. Pasensya—" 

I was cut off guard when he suddenly pulled me for a hug. My head on his chest.

"Patawad." Iyan ang unang narinig ko sakaniya. 

"Patawad kung nagkamali ako. Patawad kung sa tingin mo ay nawala ako. Patawad kung hindi mo na naramdaman ang saya sa'tin....... at sa'kin. Patawad kung pinalaban kita. Patawad kung pinagod kita." 

I tried to let go of his arms but he tightened his embrace more. Like he is afraid of letting me go. Like he is afraid of me seeing him cry. I know he did because of his sharp breathing. 

"Pero patawad kung hindi ko magagawa ang gusto mo. I wont let you go, Yen. Not now, not ever. You may have lost your happiness in me, but you are wrong in one thing. You never lost me. Even if i was distant, i never stop thinking about you. We may have lost of communication but i am always praying for you. I never left you in my subject with God. So if you're telling me that you are tired, it's understandable. I understand because I am also feeling the same. You are tired so stop fighting. Stop hurting yourself. Rest in me and let me do it. Let me fight this time." Lumayo na siya sa'kin at hinawakan ang magkabila kong balikat. 

His eyes were red but he smiled. "You cant feel the happiness? Then let's do those things that made us smile. Let's start and feel the happiness again. I'm sorry for giving you this pain but thank you for holding this long. Kahit sumuko ka man ulit, uulitin ko ring sasabihin sayo 'to. I'll never leave you. That's not a promise. It's my vow and keep that in mind." 

He wiped my tears and kissed my forehead. 

We never know how long our relationships end. We never know if how long our spark will reach its end. We may have come this cold, lifeless, and colorless love story. We may have lost its happiness. I may almost lose the subject who gave me such. We may be this distant, but one thing's for sure. We will always chose the path that comes in our way on each other. Mawala man ang lahat. Mawala man ang saya, kilig, o kahit ang pag ibig. Mananatili naman sa piling ko ang lalaking aking at palagi kong iniibig. 

                                                                                           Nagmamahal,

                                                                                   Yen<3.