Zero O'Clock ♡ Rosé

zero o'clock

The stars are out tonight. Your hands rest on the windowsill while the window is pulled up for the night breeze to waft in. It has a soft scent, nothing strong that stands out even when the city is full of all kinds of smells. You take a deep breath in, holding it for a few seconds, before it shakily comes back out. Your lungs expand and release like a balloon losing air.

Losing air. Sometimes, your mind entertains such a thought. Connecting all the intricate possibilities and the way it makes you feel, or rather, as a solution for the lack thereof. The reasons you don't feel connected to the person you once were. The way you've been fighting to see the goodness in life. Every day is a constant battle.

It's no mystery that you haven't been feeling like yourself for half of the past year. The thought is a terrifying one. For the longest time, you wondered if Rosie had noticed it too, but you didn't want to bring it up. Never wanted to let her know something was wrong when you didn't even understand the problem yourself. You just wanted to tell yourself to get over it, you'll get through and everything will be fine. It's a heavy burden to carry on your own, like the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you've always prided yourself in your ability to get through anything. This too will be one of those things.

However, there's one thing to note: you're only human. You're not perfect, and as stubborn as you wanted to be, there had to be a fallout for your own sake. A moment where - in your own mind - you considered yourself to be weak and let everything out through your tears.

You had done this multiple times in the past when you were sure Rosie wasn't around to see, or when you were sure you could hear her snoring in the middle of the night under shared blankets. It was a dangerous game to play, and yet, you dared to continue.

But she heard you one night. You didn't even know she was home. It was supposed to be one of those nights where she's working in the studio until an ungodly hour in the morning, then she'd come home and give your forehead a kiss before passing out in bed next to your sleeping façade. Some people would blame her for being oblivious to your feelings and spending more time at the studio than with you, but that's not how your relationship works. You respect her passion for her work more than anything and only want her to succeed. The current rut you have has nothing to do with that, and it too... shall pass.

Rosie walked silently with bare feet down the hallway. She smiled seeing the door to your shared room left ajar with light peeking through. Perhaps, she would jump in and give you a surprise. She came home early tonight after all. Just as her hand grazed the doorknob though, something made her pause and frown.

Whimpers and sniffles became audible to Rosie's ears. It was not a loud cry of pain, more like a quiet suffering in sadness. Rosie pushed open the door slightly and could see your figure laying in bed with the blanket pulled up to your ears. You simply laid there, your phone was on the nightstand and your eyes were focused at a far point at the opposite side of the room. As for where your mind was, Rosie could only guess. You just continued to cry, your shoulders shook a couple of times and every once in awhile you sniffed and rubbed your cheeks. Rosie's heart broke in pieces.

Immediate guilt paralyzed her. She knew something was off. You hadn't been your happy self for awhile, but she assumed that you'd come forward when you were ready. Never did she assume that you'd continue to suffer in silence when you always told each other everything... or maybe she wasn't as available as she thought. The past few months has been nothing but hard work in the studio and dance practice room for her. Was this her fault? Was she being negligent to her lover and emotionally unavailable? She had to know the truth. But this was something she was gonna have to take the courage and push for, and when you immediately tried to wipe your tears and act like everything was okay after she came in, she knew she had to keep trying.