Suicide

Journal day 1:

Finally. Tomorrow it all starts the beginning..."the start of a new chapter. New friends new house new school new city. Ah things are looking great!" Yep you got it my mom thinks this is actually gonna make me happier... Well hello my mom just bought me this journal so I can express my "soul out" in it so here I go.. When I was 9 my mom,dad and me moved to California from New Jersey, yes I know big move. From there I was being homeschooled till I was able to start middle school. Everything was going fine until my 10th birthday. My mom and dad divorced exactly on my birthday. My dad left and went back to New Jersey and I haven't heard from him since then. On my 11th birthday I got a call from my dad phone. I was so happy I was crying tears of joy... It was my grandma Rosie calling me to tell me happy birthday and that my dad passed away from cancer... She said he had it for 4 years.. Why didn't I know this!! Why didn't no one tell me my dad was dying?! I was so angry that he didn't tell me but I learned to forgive him. The week after I started school. I was barley 11 and scared to death. I met this girl named Linda Rose. She became my best friend and I decided to tell her how my dad died and everything about me. The next day everyone at school was laughing and pointing at me. I was so confused. Did I have a bugger in my nose? Spinach in my teeth? I didn't know so I asked Linda. She told me that she was popular and if I wanted to "hang" I had to be cool and have both parents. I called my mom from the office to come get me. My mom kept asking why I said I wasn't feeling so good. I went home and cried to my self and my step dad heard me and came in my room he kept asking me questions me of course I was okay I'm fine I have a stomach ache. The next day my mom woke me up for school I didn't want to go I was scared but I had to so I went. I get to school and everyone looked at me and I just kept walking and out of no where I felt someone pull my hair I turned around it was Tasha, she's an 8th grader and likes to make fun of people who lost a family member cold heart right? Yeah anyways word got to her and she said look at the Daddy-less dirty cunt. I was trying to avoid it and keep walking after I got to my first period everyone kept laughing and talking about me I couldn't help but cry because it hurt so bad. The teacher never helped me they just stood quiet and stared. 20 minutes into class Tasha walks in. I was so scared my heart starts pumping my face turns red and it got really hot in the room. She said Ms.Nois wanted to see me I didn't know who that was I was all confused and of course my teacher said "go Ellie or I'll give you detention for not listening." So I went out of the class next thing I knew I was being slammed against a locker and punched by 2 girls Tasha and her little assistant Emily. I went to class and couldn't see out of my left eye I was dizzy and blessing everywhere. My teacher said next time tie your shoes and walked away. I couldn't stop crying everyone laughed at me I just ran home from school. My mom said what happened and I told her everything. She kept crying and talked to my step dad about it he came into my room and said don't worry about it no more we will home school you. My quickly replied "NO! We aren't teachers we don't know a lot of things and if we teach her one thing and everyone else know the right thing it would be awful!" I told her "Mom I can't do this I've been there not even a full week and I'm being bullied being treated wrong because I don't have a father like they do!" My mom told me that we will move to another state and hopefully things get better.