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song recommendation; swallowed in the sea- coldplay
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god, he was having a nightmare again.
these days after witnessing all the things that had happened to jia, he had started having horrible nightmares of loosing her. gosh, he absolutely hated them. they were all so disturbing and just thinking about them gave him shivers.
he grunted and whined, squirming around in his bed, beads of sweat beginning to form on his forehead as he mumbled out a small 'jia'.
it was currently 1:32 a.m. the boy wasn't able to escape the evil grasps of the images in his head. that wasn't until he was snapped out of it by a few knocks at his door.
sitting up from his resting position, he grunted in annoyance at the loud bangs on his door. he couldn't comprehend why some stranger was banging so aggressively at his door at this time of the night.
getting up, he neared the door, still cursing under his breath about how some rando was up at this time of the night and also near exam week, did he not know that it was really important to get enough time of slee-
oh.
a police officer. why was he here?
"is your name lee heeseung?" the police officer tilted his head as he read through the sheets of papers in his hand. heeseung only gulped in worry, what the hell was going on?
"y-yeah... may i ask why?"
"we found the dead body of park jia, we found some things that led to you, sir-"
right after those words, there was a ringing in his ears. he could no longer hear the officer in fornt of him an the world began to spin around heeseung; he felt as if he had received a punch to his gut, knocking the wind straight out of his lungs. no. there was no way that jia was dead, right?
no, she wasn't dead! all this was a nightmare just like the ones he has had all these previous nights and when he woke up from his sleep he would see jia again, smiling at him and telling him he was alright, that it was just a nightmare.
yeah, it was just a nightmare.
IT'S JUST A NIGHTMARE, WAKE UP, HEESEUNG. WHY AREN'T YOU WAKING UP?!
-
and then, when he found himself kneeling down next to the body of his sunshine did he realize that it wasn't a nightmare. he couldn't get himself to mutter out anything, earlier he had taken a sip or two, maybe a cup or two of alcohol so that helped him feel absolutely numb.
he wanted to feel numb. he didn't like feeling pain, he didn't like seeing jia in that casket, laying motionless. he was used to seeing her lips parted when she fell asleep, similar to how she looked now but her lips weren't parted. she wasn't breathing.
she was no longer jia.
jia was no longer here.
as he walked out the depressing room with heavy steps towards his car, he could only listen to his thoughts. they weren't horrible yet, just about her.
he still remembered her scent, similar to the cherry blossoms, it was very faint but addicting.
her lips, her soft pillowy lips that he loved so much. he hadn't gotten the chance to kiss them more than the fingers on his hands, but they were still enough for them to be the most memorable of all.
she was so breathtaking.
oh, how pretty she looked even when she was laying down in that casket, pale as the snow that fell from the sky and decorated the hills and the pretty cherry blossom they adored. their cherry blossom.
speaking of which, he was already on his way there, drunk as ever. if only he had told her that she was pretty. if only he had actually kept his word and helped her understand she was absolutely beautiful and that he wouldn't leave her for anyone.
if only he had protected her like a boyfriend was supposed to, like how he had promised himself that he would take care of her and always be there through thick and thin, through the good and bad times.
his head was full of what if's but now that didn't help at all. it did absolutely nothing.
heeseung swerved around a small inoffensive animal, hoping to do no more harm than he already had and continued on his way to the tree. he needed comfort. but where was his comfort now? well- she was now being carried to the graveyard; in a few minutes she will be buried six feet under the ground.
he wondered what would happen if he died as well. would he be reunited with the love of his life? he would have to find out.
and when a single tear spilled from his eye, and his body felt numb from the cold and the pain, he took a long sip of the liquid from his flask before stepping on the gas with the last bit of strength he could gather up.
