Another Star (IwaOi)

Another Star

“Help me” he says. “I can’t take it anymore” Oikawa cried as he sits on the corner. I’m sitting infront of him as he cry his heart out. “Please give me a remedy” he pleaded. I just hugged him tight as he sob in my arms. This happens every night where Oikawa gets an attack. Me, as his psychiatrist needs to be with him, I pity him a lot but I am amazed that he contains himself from taking his life. He tells me he wants to end it all but he said he doesn’t want to leave me. It pains me to see that my patient, my husband is in this state. It was months ago when he was rejected from the team he worked so hard to be in. He was one hard-working man and an aspiring player it was all going smooth until one day it all ended. The team he’s training for rejected all his hardwork and rejected him, because of that he developed depression. I’ve been dealing with him since then, I never thought that my loving husband will end up as my patient. Sometimes I just wish that I can magically end up his suffering, but no that ain’t reality and I need to deal with this, this real world, a cruel one. Everyday, everynight I am a witness of how many suicide attempts but failed he did.

“Iwa-chan?” he called me. “If I die what will you do?” he asked me. “wait for my death and be reincarnated with you.” I answered. “please don’t die yet” I pleaded. “I’ll try” he said with a sad smile. I know how much Oikawa wants to give up in life but me? No, I am not giving up on him. I’m bringing back the Oikawa  I used to know, the Oikawa who has the brightest smile, the Oikawa who laughs a lot, the happy Oikawa. I can’t fail not now and not ever. I know I can cure him, I can give him the remedy he needs. All the positivity I had I gathered it all up everytime I see Oikawa but we really need to expect the unexpected, I never see it coming.

Months passed, “Dr. Iwaizumi Hajime, sadly you are diagnosed with anxiety and depression” my psychiatrist told me. I know, it’s a shame a psychiatrist himself developed this condition. I resigned at my job and stayed at home, taking my meds and had a monthly check up. I know I need to wake up, I need to heal my medic because I am another star who others look up too, specially the patients I had after Oikawa. I just can’t, I’m too weak now. The world is really cruel, it took Oikawa away from me. What happened to him? Well, he ran away thinking he was a big burden to me. He was missing for days but then his body was found floating on the sea. Some people also saw him jump off the bridge where we use to walk together. Painful, very.

I went to Oikawa’s grave today. “You’re really unfair Tooru. I told you not to give up yet yeah? But look what you did, you gave up. Maybe the pain was really to much for you. Remember when you told me that you need a remedy? Oikawa, I need a remedy now too. My remedy is you. What should I do? Please save me. I say I’m okay but I’m not okay even it’s been a long time since you left but I’m still in pain as if it’s the first time. I tried to keep on living but it kills me everytime I see patients that has the same conditions as yours, what if I mess up again and they end up giving up? What should I do, I really don’t know Oikawa. I need you right now.” I cried my heart out but no one hears. Now I know what Oikawa feels.

I stood up and walk to the place where Oikawa took his life. I look at it, “You must be mad at me right now yeah? Sorry Tooru but suddenly it’s like a game over. I do wish life is a game where I can reload when I fail. You’re still the reason why I cry, why I am feeling blue. I want to be with you Oikawa.” I whisper and got ready. “Please give me a remedy, a remedy that saves me” my last words before I jump.

Drowning water, lots of water going inside me I can feel it. “Sorry I gave up” the last thing I thought before I lost my breath.