The Tragedy: A Hessa One Shot

Chapter 4: Hardin

My life hasn't been easy to say the least. I grew up with an abusive father, an absent mother, and a surprise second absent father. I struggled with addiction, and nearly lost everything important to me on multiple occasions. None of that, and I mean none of that, could compare to what I'm experiencing right now.

As I sit here in the car while the love of my life quietly sobs in her seat, I know that all those struggles I've dealt with did not prepare me for this moment. I'm heartbroken that Tessa's pregnancy didn't last this time, but knowing how much she's hurting is what's really making my chest ache. She doesn't deserve this. She deserves to have an easy pregnancy and become the mother that she's always dreamt of being. She blames herself too, I know she does. She's going to blame herself for the rest of her life, and there's nothing that I can do to change her mind. Part of me blames myself. I've done a lot of fucked up shit in my life, and I know that whatever is up there knows that I don't deserve the life I've been given. I don't deserve my happy ever after, no matter how much Tessa does. All I can do is remind her how much I love her and how confident I am that we will be parents one day. She taught me to love and she taught me to hope, so now it's my job to remind her of everything she's taught me.

Putting the car in park, the music cuts off and reveals silence that makes my heart sound like it's pounding out of my chest. Tessa has yet to look at me or move since she got into the car. She looks so fragile and broken, not the Tessa that she usually is. I grab her hand from her lap and squeeze it, hoping that small effort will communicate more than words could. I'm here for you.

She finally looks at me and even offers me a small smile. It's forced, but I still appreciate the gesture. Releasing my hand, she opens the car door to get out. It's raining, so I expect her to rush inside, but instead she walks painfully slow up to the front door, like she doesn't even care that she's getting wet. Unlike her, I rush towards the door and get there before her so I can open it.

We take off our wet shoes and jackets, and I walk towards the kitchen as she finishes hanging up her things.

"Hey, you want some water or anything?" I open up the fridge and pull out a water bottle, shaking it in the air as an offer.

"I'm fine, thanks." She politely declines.

"Do you need anything at all?"

She disappears down the hall. "I'm just going to use the bathroom."

"Ok. Well let me know--" SLAM. "... if you need anything." I whisper the rest of that sentence to myself.

She's closing me out, which unfortunately doesn't surprise me. I'm getting a bit of deja vu to the sad girl I once knew that just found her father dead. The idea of Tessa going back down that dark hole terrifies me, but unlike before she has me to support her.

With my hand still on the open fridge, I place the bottle of water back and take out a cold beer. Although I'm not an alcoholic anymore, I rarely drink, but I would consider today a good excuse to have a beer. I crack it open using the bottle opener and let the cool, crisp liquid flow down my throat.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and Landon's name flashes across the screen. I fucking forgot we are supposed to be meeting them at the restaurant for our double date ten minutes ago. I am not ready to have this conversation with them, but I need to explain why we aren't there.

Landon's voice is surrounded with a bunch of background noise. "Hey! We're at the restaurant. Where are you guys?"

"If you guys are late one more time, I swear I'm going to go into labor!" Nora yells.

How am I supposed to do this? There's no way Tessa has the strength to tell her best friends what happened, so I'm the one that's going to have to do it.