Terminal

Chapter 9

KK guys I think this should be a long update but I realized it had been 5 WHOLE DAYS SINCE I DID ONE! So here ya go! Enjoy! Vote, comment suggestions! Thanks!

My mom did not start the car, though. She simply looked at me and searched my face for a sign of... of anything. She saw me and I imagined she expected me to look like a train wreck. Me and my sister had been close ever since she was born. She was my best friend, even when Asher couldn't be around. She always had my back, and I knew I could count on her to do anything for me in a squeeze. And I would always do the same. Of course, we argued a lot. We fought and bickered about stupid things, as all siblings do. We got mad and didn't speak to each other. But we lived in the same room, so at the end of every day, I made sure I told her I loved her. What if I woke up the next morning and didn't get the chance to because she had finished her time in her sleep? Then, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Feelings of guilt rose up in my stomach like bile as I realized that exact thing had sort of happened. Juleisa had to be at school early to make sure she had everything for her trip, so when she left the house, I was still asleep. There were so many things left unsaid, so many things I didn't do...

No. I have to stop. My mother needs me to be there for her. I have to hide my feelings away right now, to make sure I am as strong as everyone expects me to be. I have to make sure that the real me doesn't show through, not now, not here, at least. But I had to show enough emotion that my mom understood I was hurt. I snapped out of my gaze and turned my attention to her. "You...You're serious?", I faked.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I know you must be pretty shaken up by this entire thing. Let's go ahead and get home, then we can talk", She suggested.

"That's fine.", I sniffled out. I took four years of acting class, and it paid off now. I began to tear up a little and my sniffles got a little more frequent. Every now and then my mom would look over at me, I guess to see if I was crying or anything. I tried to make it sound as real as I could. "Mom, are you okay?" I sincerely asked.

"Can we please not bring it up until we get home? I would like to concentrate on driving and keeping us safe as we travel."

I sighed and laid my head back against the seat. I wanted to breathe out and let all my emotions out with it. I knew my mom was going to have to deal with other people, too. Once people knew, there would be people constantly at our house; they'd drop off food, come to give some consolation or encouraging words, or they might just stop by because they thought we needed some help.

My mom would not want to deal with all those random people that never acknowledged us until tragedy hit our family. She had other things on her mind, like what she was going to do to avoid our room. I knew that she already probably wouldn't go in there for a while. She would just need some time. Everyone would. I wondered if she would tell my dad. I haven't ever met my father before, he was never even introduced to me. I was taught that my mother was my mom, and a dad was never even something I knew of until I got old enough for school. I didn't know I was lacking one until I found out what they were, so I taught myself that he wasn't important anyways. I was raised just fine, maybe a little cramped, but good enough to support my entire family. I knew that having my dad around might have changed things, but I won't say I'm upset that he's not in my life. My lack of a father figure in my life hasn't hindered me from getting where I need to get so far, and I'm not going to let it start now.

As I thought about my dad, I realized that we were a little short on money to have a funeral or anything for my sister. Funerals were expensive even if you didn't go all out on them. I knew she wouldn't want cremation, the idea always frightened her. Also, I wanted to be able to see her one last time. We would do something very small at the church we attended, and that would be the end of it. I had to start siking myself into it. We would eventually be able to move on. We would walk past her room and have no second thought about it. We would pull out old pictures and laugh, and maybe shed a tear or two when we came across one of her. But then we would remember the times we laughed with her, we'd remember her crazy spirit. We'd think of how playful she was, how her hair always curled up at the ends, how she loved to bop around in her dresses. We would not think of the terrible times, only the ones worth remembering. Besides, she was gone now, so we might as well give her even more credit for all the good she did. I would come home from school every day and lay down on my bed. We could move hers out of the room and I would finally have my own space.

Then something hit me, I wouldn't be coming home every night. I was scheduled to start at Ridgehill Intelligence Boarding School next August. How would my mother be able to afford sending me to school and a funeral for Juleisa? Not to mention taking care of her own self. Would my mom take care of herself properly with nobody else around.

Also, how could I just leave my mom alone like that. She was reaching her mid forties, and already barely ate on her own. I didn't know if it was such a good idea to let her live all alone like that. There were too many things swimming through my head right now. I didn't know how I was keeping my sanity. I tried to sort everything out, but every time I came up with an idea, a gust of doubt flew in and unorganized the neat stacks of thoughts I had laid out. I had no idea what I was going to do, and all the thinking was making my head pound. I rested my head against the window and prayed hard for sleep. Apparently, God didn't see fit for me to take a nap then, because my thoughts consumed me once again for the rest of the car ride home.