Lonesome Night // Sadstuck Kankri Oneshot

What is there to loose?

TW: thoughts of and attempted suicide

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Kankri Vantas. That is your name. You sit on a pier, the tips of your shoes almost touch the surface of the ocean. The smell of salt is on the breeze as it swishes your hair away from your face. You stare at your reflection on the water.

A pair of white eyes stare back, dead and cold. The dark bags under them, making you look sick.

You don't know how long you've been sitting here. Hours, probably. You've just been… staring at yourself. Or, was it you? Is this… really who you are?

Your throat tightens and you feel pressure on the back of your eyes. You dig your palms into your eyes. 

Voices behind you. Meenah and Aranea. You hope they don't come to the pier. Their voices fade out, then you're left again with the sound of crashing waves.

A gull cries above your head, it seems to be mocking you. A feather falls perfectly into your lap. You go to pick it up, but the wind is quicker, sending it floating out into the sea. It seems even the world itself is against you.

You don't even have to ask yourself why. Your friends all hate you, even Muelin. How'd you manage to do that? You pick at your nails, staring at the reflection again.

Kankri, 6e literally any9ne else.

Of course, nothing happens. Be someone else? What is this, a character selection? You dig a fingernail into your palm.

The pressure returns to your eyes, the tightness to your throat. You don't stop it this time.

Red tears break the surface of the sun dusted water. Your hands tangle themselves into your hair, your horns wedged between your fingers. You bite your tongue to keep from making too much noise, but it only results in pitiful whimpers.

You wish so desperately for someone to find you. Somebody to rest their hand on your shoulder. Someone to pull you into an embrace.

But you know that won't happen.

You hear footsteps come and go behind you. You know they see you. You know they deliberately stay away. You only ruin their conversations. Inserting yourself whenever you can.

You press a fist to your mouth, thoughts racing. Would anyone care at all if you just… disappeared? Would anyone look for you?

You doubt it.

Why would they? They would probably be relieved if you were gone. They'd be better off without you. 

WHY DO ALL YOUR FRIENDS HATE YOU?

His voice rings in your ears. The words pound at your brain. You don't want to accept it. How can they all hate you?

You really mean nothing.

Another footstep, but this time they're walking on wood. The wood of the pier.

You quickly wipe your face, the sleeves of your sweater darken from your tears. The footsteps stop behind you. You resist the urge to turn your head. The smell of a cigarette is the only thing you need to know who it is.

You can feel Cronus's eyes burning into the top of your head. He doesn't say anything. He puts out his cigarette on his own horn, then flicks the butt into the dark water.

You anticipate him bending down to your eye level, but instead he dives into the water, his tail hitting you on the way down. You fall into the water below with a yelp as it's cut off by your head going under.

You open your eyes, salt stinging them. It's dark, you can't see. Which way is up? You let out air but you can't see which way the bubbles are going. Panic rises in your chest.

Then it settles.

You stop moving. It's peaceful. Your sweater is so heavy it's pulling you down like an anchor. You open your mouth, emptying the rest of the air in your lungs. 

What is there left to lose?

Your head pounds, your lungs ache, but it's not so bad. It's almost comforting. Your eyelids grow heavy as you start losing consciousness.

You faintly feel something touch your back. It's warm. Something else on your chest. Also warm. You force your eyes open, you still can't see but you can feel that you're being dragged through the water. You let your eyes close just as your head breaks the surface. Your lungs fill with air, your body desperate for it.

Your eyes sting, vision blurry, but the pair of white eyes and violet tinted skin is apparent. You cough, leaning to the side and vomiting water. Your breathing is ragged. 

"Why... did y9u d9 that." You manage to spit out.

"You vwere drovwning."

You look over at him, his face shows nothing on what he's thinking. "That was kind 9f the p9int." 

Cronus glances back at the water. "You wvanted to drowvn? Wvhy?"

You can't believe this guy. You sigh and stand up, doing your best to brush off the sand stuck to your clothes. You don't answer him as you start to walk back to your hive. The air is cold, it makes you shiver. You hear a splash of water. You close your eyes, pressing the base of your hands into your eyebrows. The once peaceful night now seems unwelcome. Your cold, soaked clothes and hair stick to your skin uncomfortably, you trip over a tree root, almost falling before catching yourself. You curse under your breath.

You step into your hive; one of two rooms. The interior is unimpressive. Your recuperacoon is shoved into the corner, your computer desk on the opposite side of the room. You slip off your shoes and sink into the slime of your recuperacoon. You submerge yourself until only the top half of your head is visible.

Why had Cronus saved you, yet didn't seem to care at all when asking why you'd tried to drown yourself?

What a stupid question.

He probably just wanted to save you to use it to his advantage later. Of course he didn't care.

The slime seemed to beckon to you. You could almost hear it calling your name. You submerge the last of your head into the slime. The calming effect of the slime takes place sooner than usual, or probably just because you're extremely tired.