The night was cold and silent as I lay here in my soft bed. The crickets sounds can't make me sleep. My eyes are tired from staying awake late at night, again. From my widely opened window, I can see stars sparkling from above, scattered in the moonless sky.
It was a usual night. A week later without him. Dumapo ang aking tingin sa mesa kung saan may nakabuklat na lumang libro. Umupo ako at kinuha iyon.
Bumangad sa aking mga kayumangging mata ang sulat kamay niya. Mula sa tintang kakulay ng silid na walang ilaw o liwanag, sa unang letra na doble ang laki sa iba, hanggang sa paraan ng pagguhit ay hindi ako magdadalawang isip kung kay sino ito.
Kanina ko lamang ito binuksan at binasa. Naglalaman ito ng nakaraan niya. It's his diary. Mula sa unang pahina ay walang segundong hindi ako namangha at humanga.
Nakakamangha, hindi lamang sa paraan niya ng pagsulat, pagdetalye sa lahat, kundi sa kaniyang napagdaanan. Da mga pangyayaring naganap.
His mind never cease to amaze me. He's a smart man. His understanding never left me not in awe. His love for writing reached my heart and melted it with so many times. His stories before felt surreal, not until this book came to me.
"The day was wonderful. The sun shine so bright, the cool air caressing me with the rays of sun, giving me some warmth. The camp was peaceful. Time passed and the night came. Everyone was getting ready for bed when we heard someone screaming in agony and fear.
My self, cannot help but to trembled in such a dreadful sound. Everyone rose to their feet, took their weapons, guns, knives, blades. I was told to come with my team to the safe place, but I refused.
And for minutes after, the peaceful silence was turned into a terrifying chaos. The gunshots are loud and everywhere. Explosions are raising my heart's beat per second.
I was hearing different frightening sounds and those sounds of neediness. My hands run cold as I hold a loaded gun a man gave to me, for my protection and defense.
My backpack felt heavier than it was. Panic and fear are spreading like a wildlife in my system. My eyes witness grisly and unwanted scenarios that I can never forget. It will haunt me forever.
And then, I saw myself standing before a man. With my rapid heartbeat, a sweat in my forehead, shaking hands, weak knees and fear, I pulled the trigger. Never in my life I dreamt being here in this state and doing this. I'm serving for justice and goodness. I'm fighting for freedom, against cruelty, immorality and injustice.
I will do everything for it, but I wouldn't lie if I say, being hesitate pulling a trigger was one of them. I was hesitate. I won't lie. I never wished to took a life even if it cause to lessen the evil in this world.
But it was all worth it. The moment the man's body fell into the dry soil, my eyes darted to the young girl hugging her knees, squeezing her eyes so tight, trembling in fear. My heart clenched at the sight. She's not the only one who was on that state that time.
When I bent on my knees, pulled her into a hugged, my ears was filled with her painful cry. She was crying tremendously. Her body was shaking. The little girl was calling her mother.
And then, it occurred to me. There was a woman's lifeless body lying beside us. Her head was shot, bullet was deep inside her skull. Her eyes are wide open staring back to the girl's eyes.
The little girl called her mother's name, again and again. Shouting it as I carried her forcefully to take her to a safe place in this chaotic place.
The gunshots are still exchanging, people are shouting, crying— for mercy and in pain. Some are begging for their lives. And some are laughing, taking lives.
