The Mixed

chapter two: second best

previously:

Had she been in the right mind, she'd have been scared for her life. But in that moment, it felt as if everything was controlling her life except herself.

As if her body wasn't her own.

And she couldn't do anything to stop it because her mind did not belong to her anymore.

°•°•°•°

It was like being a discarded pawn. 

At that moment, she couldn't remember her shitty parents or her fairly average life. All she could remember was the regret of not letting the only one who had cared for her, her best friend Evan, know where she was. She missed him like a missing part of her body. 

In her wrecked delusional stage, she wondered if only her drug-addled sister's word two years ago of having seen Evan here could have been true. Or if there was some deranged relation between that and his flat denial to let Olivia go to this party, let alone accompany her there.

"You can't go there, you don't know if it is actually the fun you're imagining it to be. It's dangerous and I don't want you taking any chances", Evan had told her, when she wanted to discuss the idea of attending this party. Unknown to him, she actually wanted to figure out what exactly made her sister run away from home. 

For as long as Olivia can remember, he had never ever talked to her so sternly, so assertively. it didn't make sense for him to stop her especially when he had been babbling on and on about how the world was bigger than what they had imagined and there was so much to see and learn and things beyond their comprehension, when he had wanted the two of them to step out of their safety bubble even if that meant stupid parties with classmates they absolutely despised.

It made her feel suspicious of him. And despite how much she hated that feeling, she couldn't seem to shake it off. 

She hated the idea of a mere silly teen Evan in a college party that long ago, her sweet happy best friend who made her feel the warmest even with his cold hugs. She sometimes wondered how he hadn't managed to turn blue with how cold he ran. 

She couldn't help her mindless wish of just having him close, having a love to cling onto for a clear mind, now that she felt as if her life was tipping out of control.

That was probably it. Thinking of warmth and not about how helpless and cold she was. Because the desperate spell which fogged her mind felt as if it was dissolving, and her surroundings coming back into her vision again. There wasn't much light or anything to see. Trying to support herself up on the nearby wall, she made an effort to get up and walk further. 

It seemed like another barrier, seeing some people dropped off like flies on the couches nearby. They looked as if their life had been drained out of them, and she feared that they might have overdosed. 

Feared that she was the one seeing them take their last breaths and she could do nothing to help them. 

Feared that she was taking her last breaths and nobody would ever know why. 

These barriers though, as it appeared in her head, with the first crowd in a sea of bodies moving mindlessly and the second being whatever mindfuckery those rooms had or was it the third. It was as if they didn't want you to go any further, as if this was a warning to stay out because you wouldn't be able to handle this furthermore. 

She whispered a secret wish, hoping her sister didn't have the same fate.

"Olivia, are you okay?" 

Her head spun.