The Thoughts Inside My Head

Empty Promises ?

Sometimes when I look back at my life I am filled with regret and confusion. Telling myself that I should be granted unconditional love and to not expect the worse from people. I want to be positive and not only see the bad in the world but sometimes, it is inevitable.

I have always wanted someone to be close to. Whether that be a sibling, a friend, or a partner. I have always wanted someone that would be there for me and to fight for me. I do not know if I just can't be happy or if I am just unlucky.

For a time, I believed I had found the other part of my broken soul and believed myself to be mended. And for a time, I had found someone as broken as me, in the shape of a best friend. I had never felt that kind of love and never felt someone who needed me like I needed them.

And yet, due to my luck, my soul was never truly mended, and I no longer had a person who could be there for me, as I was there for them. I was back to square one, with my heart ripped in two.

I expect too much in people and so I am always disappointed.

I eventually just gave up on people. I knew people only brought me down. And no matter how much effort and attention I gave someone, no one ever did the same for me. I was tired of being tired.

My emotions are like a seesaw. And as I age, the more pressure is put onto one side, until it falls to the ground. I start putting effort into making friends and then I give up. This is my endless cycle of my insecurities.