After Dessert

Reading You Three-thousand Times

In Frost Flower's eyes, Chihiro was the embodiment of the earth and the sky, day and night, a contrasting painting between when he was in the view of the public and at home.

Chihiro did his assignments well at the Council court, discussed and decided many things about the barrier integrity and their plan to extend the Dome. Sometimes, he also showed his fangs towards everyone who disparaged the safety net project because he believed in it.

A model employee and leader, that guy was.

But when at home, he was quiet and kept to himself, busy with reading novels or watching series from the past. Since not one social media was buzzing with complaints anymore, the Council didn't bother censoring it.

"Why can't you tell anyone else? A classic example of they don't understand you?"

Chihiro shook his head. "In my position, I can't be seen showing gaps for unwanted attention. One start, one status, then people would start trickling in pushing their worldview onto me."

Frost Flower plopped himself opposite of him at the dining table. "Oh?"

"I have my golden rule in doing my socials. One, don't post about your happiness or excitement of a plan. Others love to see you fail because everyone has innate resentment. This resentment somehow makes them covetous towards others' happiness. They want to ruin you. Two, don't post about your sadness. Self-righteous people would dare to ask what is going on then offer unsolicited probing and advice."

Frost Flower almost picked his lower jaw from the floor. This man . . . Was he sure it wasn't him who was full of resentment himself? Why too cautious?

He probed, "So what do you post normally? Or what did you?"

"I have needs. I'm only human. In the past, I voiced out my needs to be heard. But they dismissed them, ignoring me completely for what they thought best. Well, a piece of meat for someone is poison for another, isn't it?"

"And this didn't happen once or twice, I guess . . ."

Smiling breezily, he answered, "Many times. I've learnt to live with being disappointed with other people by setting my expectations super low."

Frost Flower cleared his throat. Just now he felt a gentle sweep of wind on his face. From the ajar door of the balcony-rooftop. Totally not from his imagination after seeing Chihiro's pretty smile, not that.

He found himself saying, "I find it best to rely on myself, too."

Chihiro swung his hand as if throwing the pestering thoughts out, a gesture he often did when he found it difficult to concentrate during their sessions. "But when it's too much . . ."

Sometimes I don't know if I shouldn't have erected a wall so high around my heart because of the purging stream of disappointment. Because now, even for small matters, I still find it difficult to speak. I can raise my concerns if it's about my tasks, but for personal things, I can't.

Why did Chihiro do that? Muscle memory of working with Frost Flower too long? He weighed his words in his tongue before uttering something. "You're capable."

Upon hearing this, the man only drew a sad smile on his face. "I teach myself to be a problem-solver, not because I'm good at that, but on the contrary, no one heeded my plea when I was at the lowest. So, no one would care of your fate other than yourself."

~*~

Day 405 of the house arrest. Chihiro wrote down the date and time of his evening session at the top right of his logbook page. His visit to the power source this morning didn't yield a good result. Their reactor's efficiency was only at 25% while he was tasked by the shareholders of his old office to maintain it at 45%. If they were to talk about migrating the consciousness to this Dome metaverse in the future, he couldn't do the heavy-lifting alone.