I find it difficult to fall asleep or wake up...
I don't like ending days that moved too fast for me to catch up, days too full for me to understand the reactions I should have, days that require productivity while the only thing I can do is questioning the meaning and purpose of the life or fate.
I hate waking up and being forced to live when all I wanna do is exist, in peace, in complete silence, in my bed, in the dark. Why don't I deserve to be quiet? Why do I feel good enough only on the hard days, working without break, without need of food or an end for the things I have to do?
A while ago, I couldn't understand why people always said,, find happiness in small things" or,, appreciate the small things in life" until I was so caught up in this cycle of waking up late, guilt, and falling asleep at 3 am that I didn't even noticed when the flowers in my own garden bloomed or when the trees became green again.... This is how we forget to live..
