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♡ SYDNI "SYD" LEWIS ♡
I picked at my hair absentmindedly, flipping it over my shoulder when I was done teasing my fingers through it. 30 inches was the length, I didn't do anything shorter then 25.
I couldn't remember the last time hair wasn't touching my back-better yet even my ears. I frowned, honestly I don't wanna remember.
"Maybe we just gotta ambush him, make him listen!" Saniyah said pacing back and forth, we'd been brainstorming ideas on how to bring back up my transition to Samir, our older brother.
"I basically ambushed him the first time."
"Yeah but you ain't have back up the first time."
"I'm not even worried about his ass anymore,"I leaned into my palm, sadness washing over me."Honestly, I just wanna get the conversation over with, with everybody else and see what I can build with them. Samir made his choice."
"He's just confused, confused and bitter."
"Fuck he got to bitter about?"
"Ion think you understand how hard it was for us when you left,"She twisted her mouth?"It felt like one thing after the other, more grief on top of grief and he had to really be the backbone of the family."
I sat up as she continued her words starting to have an effect on me.
"We twins but like-"Saniyah's gaze softened,"You and Mir always had more responsibility even I can admit that."
Our Daddy had a thing about stepping up. Be a man, take charge, hold the fort down. The message coming from him in retrospect is hilarious as fuck but it still stuck, it still was drilled into my head.
I had thought about my family and how they handled me being gone but at the same time my thoughts hadn't been so expansive.
Was I selfish? Was I like our daddy, abandoning my folks when they needed me the most?
The only thing in my head I could think really was yes.
I felt guilty for leaving but hearing the genuine pain in my sister's voice just made the guilt intensify. My eyes were watering without my permission and I dabbed at them with my sleeve, trying to stop the tears before Saniyah could notice.
No such luck.
"Why you cryin'?"
"I got allergies." I managed to get out before, I was fully sobbing.
