dear y/n l/n,
you know what hurts? you know what hurts so fucking much?
liking someone you once actually have a chance with. denying your feelings towards them because it's stupid and there's no point in saying until you realized you were wrong all along.
why is that every time i visit in japan, i still felt the same? my suppressed feelings for you almost came out from hiding when i see you smile with him and my heart beats so fast, i can't even think.
and there's a tiny part of me that has hope, it leads me to a disappointment.
that's what fucking hurts, knowing that 99% chance of not working out the way you want but having the 1% chance that it could keep me dreaming about the impossible and this stops me from moving on.
because that 1% holds everything i want more than anything.
that 1% keeps me happy, you see.
that 1% keeps me from blaming myself for not saying anything.
i can't get closure but i don't want it.
sometimes it's better to hope for an unforgiving fantasy than face the reality of you not being in the picture of my life.
and just because we don't talk anymore for the past two years, doesn't mean i've forgotten about you.
it doesn't mean i no longer care. truth is, i still do. i always do.
i always called my cousin to see if you're okay, but every time i get the urge to get your number from him, it suddenly hits me that i can't, i can't break his heart too the way i did to myself.
but even though everything has changed, i just want you to know that i'm still here.
i'll still be there for you, i'll still be one of your friends that will lend his shoulders and ears.
i don't care if i'm in another country or what am i to you, i'm still ready to be anything in your life.
please don't hesitate to talk to me again because half the time i'm seeing you with him, i wish it was me you were talking to.
i just miss your presence. i miss you being my crush and a friend.
i just miss you in general.
your secret admirer,
nishimura riki
YOU ARE READING
Dear Nishimura Riki ⚊ Letter Series # 6
Fanfiction"And they told me heartbreak was necessary in order to move on" - in which a girl write thirty eight letters to a boy who will never feel the same. [ Short Story for Enhypen Niki ]
