Irish Twins

Little by little

It had been a week since then, I rarely leave my room, and my Jason brings me what I need. There's no reason for me to leave my room, but every once in a while Niall comes in and talks with me. He tries to convince me to trust the guys, and to let them in, reassures me that they won't hurt me.

I know that Ni, but I just can't have anyone new in my life right now, Jason C, he's never gonna go away, even though he's not in our life anymore, we're still gonna see him everywhere. Then I'll give him a piece of my mind! No, Niall please don't, it's been two years since then.

He doesn't know what I know, he didn't see what I saw. He was the light to my dark world, protected me from our mother, made me happy, Jezabella took it away from me. But, you all were right, I was so stupid, I should've known better, I should've know I couldn't be loved, that no one could ever love me except my brothers.

That's not true! The guys all love you. Niall, how can you say that, they don't even know me?! What about your IFs? They love you. I mean a 3D person, the machine isn't finished yet. Despite the fact that my other good Jason is my "boyfriend" no one can see him, or any of the rest of them. They are what have kept me alive. Not you, not Greg, not even myself, and as sure as heck absolutely not mom!

Farrah, mom is gone now, she's far away, she's not gonna hurt you anymore. We thought that the last time remember, but then she came back! Sh, sh. Don't cry, you're gonna make me cry. He teased playfully. I wiped my tears and giggled at his reaction. When was the last time you made that noise? Yeah, yeah, it's been a long time. Farrah, your my sister, and you have no idea how much I love you.

I love you so very much too. What do you want to do about the guys? Well they know everything now. So, I guess I trust them enough to tell them my life story, literally, I might add. How about this, I will hang out with them, I will play with them, I will whatever, but you're the only one that's allowed to make contact with me. For now.

Deal. He hugs me. Niall? What? You said only I could make contact with you. Did we have to start with hugging? That's a lot of contact. Sorry. I *sigh* it's ok, it wasn't a bad touch. I didn't totally hate it. Then can I hug you again? Just one? Yeah, just one. Do I have to hug back? Only if you choose. He hugs me again, and lingers. I smile a small sad smile, and look at my hands.

I *sigh* and right before I feel him start to release me, I hug him back, and pull him in close again. You hugged me back. I feel bad that you try to so hard and I just push you away. You and the guys. Can I make a suggestion. What kind of suggestion? Well, you won't like it but, when you're done with this whole thing you're doing and want to give the whole dating world or whatever another chance, or not even dating, maybe let's start with trusting and becoming better friends with.... Go on, or you will have wished you never started.

My point is, once you get over whatever this is, and you start trusting the guys, and being more friendly with them, enough to let them come into contact, if there's one of any of us aside from myself that you should get along best with even if just to ease your way into the group, pick Zayn.

Why? Because, he's always been there for me the most, he always includes me, always takes me out of memory lane, he's kind of the big brother to everyone, and very mischievous, so be careful about that part. That's ok, I giggle, my Jason is my mischievous one of the bunch, more so than the others.

He's always there for me to listen to me, and a shoulder to cry on, and to make me feel better and cheer me up when I'm down, he's the first to come check in on me and make sure I'm doing ok. The others try, but they've started just leaving it up to Zayn. He always tells them he's got it. And he usually does. If I had to pick which one was my best friend in the group it would be Zayn.

Ok, I'll think about it. BTW, what were you going on about with the dating part? I told you I already have a "boyfriend." You had your Jason as your boyfriend while you dated 3D Jason. That's true. You're not gonna like hearing this, but if you decide you're going to try again, I think you and Zayn would make a cute couple. I roll my eyes. Good night Niall. Sweet dreams Farrah.

He kisses my forehead and he leaves, closing the door behind him. He smirks. What are you so happy about? Nothing, just some advice I gave my sister. What kind of advice? The kind of advice that won't matter to the rest of you. If you say so. Trust me guys, when it comes to my sister I think I know what I'm doing, we are one in the same, mostly after all.

How much of that is true? Well, I don't feel every little piece of pain that she feels, or feel the same feelings she does, all the time. We don't dress the same, I can't see her IFs, I was never abused or bullied, I didn't know everything that she knew, or saw everything she saw, or heard, or felt, or smelt, or whatever else, we're still our own person.

So, if you're laughing, is she gonna laugh too? I emotionally feel what she feels, if she's crying, I'm crying, when one of us is looking through the scrapbook suddenly we both are, we can read others minds, esc, you know normal twin stuff. You side stepped my question on purpose little leprechaun. I don't know what you're talking about Zayn.

And even if I did, you don't want to wrestle with me right now, Farrah's asleep in the other room. Zayn shoves him to the side, as he does, he playfully and effectively brushes his side with his fingers. Zayn, you did that on purpose. I don't know what you're talking about. Zayn smiles and finishes walking away, the rest of the boys chuckle, and snicker and go to their own rooms as well.

During the nigh, I creep out of my room. Then get a text message.

Him: 2nd one on the left, the door's unlocked, come on in, and crawl in on the right side of the bed.

Me: What?

Him: You can't sleep, and you're trying to get to my room, you were just about to text me and ask me where my room was.

Me: I hate when you do that.

Him: Yeah, yeah now come on.

Me: I'm coming, I'm coming.

I wasn't watching where I was going, as I was looking down into the phone.

Him: Hey watch out!

Me: What?

Then I was on the floor. Sorry, my bad. No, I'm sorry I should've been watching where I was going. I didn't expect anyone to be out of bed. You ok? I hear your voice, and I see your shape, but I'm not sure still which one you are. It's ok, I'm Zayn, hi. Hi. He lays down his hand for me. I recoil back. HT: Take his hand, he's not gonna hurt you. Ok, ok. What? Just a sibling thing, don't worry about it.

He leaves his hand out, and I slowly reach up to grab it. He pulls me up. We're suddenly really close. He's so much taller than me. I turn my head, when I feel heat travel to my face. Then I turn it back when he brushes the hair back behind my ear again. Thanks, I mumble. Where you headed? The 2nd door on the left. Should've guessed. Well goodnight.

Wait, what are you out of bed for? I'm hungry. Zayn its 3am. So? To each their own. I shrug giggling. What a nice sound. He mumbles back. I reach Niall's door and close it behind me. I told you, he whispers. Yeah, yeah. I move the covers out of the way, and crawl in, and scoot over next to him, as I wrap my arms around him.

Goodnight. Now, it will be. This is gonna be just fine, you'll start off slow, get to know the guys be our friend, and little sister. Esc, esc. And soon, it will be like you're one of us. And maybe something more for one of us. What are you talking about? Zayn, I see the way he looks at you. They all look at me like a bunch of drooling dogs, I have a cool accent, and I'm a female species.

They don't drool. He rolls his eyes. I'd stop them from ever getting that far. Sure you would. I would. But, Zayn doesn't look at you like that, he even if the others did. I notice you said female species, vs a pretty girl. Don't start Ni. It's too late at night for lies. Farrah, they're not lies, you're smart, and funny, and talented, loyal, creative, imaginative, friendly, and beautiful, there are more, but that could take hours.

Yeah, but you and Greg have to say that, you're my brothers. Hey, if the mates are drooling over you, then you have to be all of those things, they don't just "drool" over anyone. Niall? Yep? Go to sleep already! He laughs, ok sweet dreams, and remember, little by little, that's the key here, the key to success, and happiness, and follow it and you won't be a fragile broken doll anymore, one wrong touch and its like you shatter into a million pieces.

I'll keep it in mind. And keep it in mind I did, a week later, and I was starting to get more and more comfortable with the guys. None of them made contact with me, unless I allowed them to, and I'd hate to admit it, but Niall was right, about the trusting Zayn the most stuff, but I still didn't do much with them, just little things, like talking, or having meals with them.

Niall was proud of me for participating at all. But Zayn would be the first still to "make me" join in. Who knew laughter was all it would take, I've let them come into some contact with me, we give high fives and fist bumps, and do hand shakes and give hugs, I was ok with all that other stuff, but laughter sometimes really is the best medicine, in the best kinds of ways.