Love Galore (Chaennie)

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

There's almost two weeks of silence.

Two long, impossible weeks in which Rosie wakes up every day, kisses her boyfriend good morning, then goes to work, where she then spends her time thinking of another woman. She goes home. She has dinner with her boyfriend. She watches TV. She talks to her sister on the phone. She feels utterly joyless through it all.

Mark notices.

"I love you," he tells her everyday.

Sometimes she says it back. Sometimes she doesn't. And when she doesn't, fear and insecurity grip him and drive him to say something more.

Something like: "I know how hard it's been for you. I want to thank you for everything. You're the only thing that's getting me through this whole thing with my dad. I'd be so lost without you, Rosie."

Half the time, she would smile and say "I love you." The other half of the time, when she doesn't say it back, he feels compelled to say something else. He'd tell her about how his dad's doing and how his mom's been asking about her. That's almost always guaranteed to get her to hold his hand in sympathy, rub his back, kiss his cheek, and for the moment, that's good enough for him.

Then one day, Rosie says to him, "It's Jennie's birthday tomorrow."

He responds placidly, "Is that right?" When she says nothing more but looks ashamed and sad, he offers, "Do you want to wish her a happy birthday?"

"I... I don't know," Rosie murmurs unconvincingly. "I... I don't even know if she wants to hear from me after how I left it with her." She tries to resist it, but the tears come anyway. Along with a flood of guilt that she's crying over another woman in front of her boyfriend, and so, penitent, she turns and hides her face, trying to discreetly wipe away the tears. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't feel like this. And I, I wish it was different, but these last couple of weeks have been so hard. And I feel so bad that I feel like this. I don't know, I know that you need support right now but it seems to me like we shouldn't be together anymore if-"

Alarmed by where Rosie's heading, Mark acts quickly to disrupt her train of thought. "Hey, it's okay. You're adjusting. That's fine. I'm okay with it. I'm more than okay with it."

Mystified by this reaction, Rosie could only haltingly question, "You... you are?"

"Of course I am. I want you to be happy, Rosie. And I know that ultimately, that's going to be with me but in the meantime, you can do what you have to do."

Uncertainly, Rosie asks, "What are you saying?"

"Look, when I went to Germany, I told you that opening up our relationship would be healthier for both of us in the long run. Well, maybe that's still true now." He shrugs lightly, carelessly. "If you need something from Jennie, you can get it from her. I'm fine with it. As long as you come home to me at the end of the day."

"I... I don't think you know what you're saying."

"Of course I do. I'm saying that if you want to keep sleeping with her, you should. I can say that because I know you and I know that you're not in love with her. You think you are, but you're not," he says confidently. "So you can do what you have to do while we're still in New York. You're on vacation. Have fun."

"Mark," Rosie begins weakly. "I... I don't know."

"I want you to be happy, Rosie." He places an arm around her, clutching her tightly against him. "And I know that you'll be happiest with me in the end, so I'm not bothered if you need to scratch an itch right now."

She's silent for a long moment, her skepticism battling with temptation; at last, there is a victor, and she shakes her head. "I- I can't do that. Even if you're okay with that, I know that Jennie won't be. She wouldn't want that."