Butterflies

Her arms were covered. Not by sleeves on her shirt or bracelets on her wrists but with butterflies. Butterflies that reminded her to be strong.

Butterflies that whispered in her ears when her held her head.”You’ll be okay.” “You’re stronger than this.” “You’re beautiful.” “Those girls don’t know whist their talking about.”. Messages that helped her make it through the day. She had stopped writing them on her arms once she entered her sophomore year in high school. She stopped because she had friends. A group of people who knew and understood her. She was safe there. Protected.

College came soon after. She had moved to london to go to an acting school. Away from friends and family insecurity crept back into her mind but vanished when she made new  friends.  One butterfly always stayed on her wrist though for protection. That one was permanent.

But now she was curled up in the bathroom floor of her apartment on the set of The Maze Runner. She had locked the door to both her shared apartment and bathroom. Only one thing was clutched in her hand. A sharpie.

She wouldn’t do it. She wouldn’t hurt herself. Not now. Not ever.

She wrote initials in the wings of the butterflies. In all of them. But predominantly TS.

Thomas.

He would be back soon. He was finishing up a scene and would be home within 15 or 20 minutes. She could last until then,couldn't she?

She was strong. Out-spoken. Free-spirited.

undesirable.

No...

Annoying.

Not now...

Odious.

Please,for God's sake...

Not good enough.

Please stop...

"You aren't worth the space, you untalented joke!"

Hiccuped sobs filled the small bathroom.

She couldn't last.

She fell for the demon's trap.

Butterflies kept finding their way up her arms and legs. Quite a few were scribbled out. They weren't drawn good enough. They weren't perfect enough to be her best friends and family. It was hard to see with all of the tears and hitched sobs.

She heard the front door creak open and she immediately silenced her cries as best she could.

Thomas.

She looked down at her shaking hands and looked his butterfly. The best one. Drawn in blue marker. His favorite color. He didn't know she was in here yet.

She listened closely. She heard his footsteps. The were hurried. She heard him throw his bag down. It slid and hit the wall. She heard him call to her. God that sound. It was so urgent and sad. How could something that sounded so somber come from someone so full of life.

"(Y/N)!?"

A cry escaped your throat. Thomas must have heard because you heard him coming closer. His steps ended in front of the door.

"(Y/N)?!"

He tried the knob.

"(Y/N)?! (Y/N), talk to me lovely. I'm right here."

You began crying again.

Not worth the space.

"(Y/N)! I'm here it's going to be alright. "

Not good enough.

"(Y/N). I'm going to unlock the door alright?"

Odious.

You heard him playing with something. What was he doing?

Annoying.

There was a click

Undesirable.

The door opened and a worried Thomas stood in the archway. You curled away from him, your face hidden but the butterflies visible.

Thomas slid over to you and carefully touched you, like you were about to break at the slightest handling. When he was sure you weren’t going to shatter like glass in his hands he embraced you gently. His chin rested on the top of your head and his arms were wrapped protectively around you. His thumb stroked your cheek to banish the tears from your face.

Your ear was against his chest. You were listening to his heart. It was rapid with worry. But it was steady.

Thomas was whispering comforting things into your ear.

“I love you (Y/N).”

Wanted.

“You’re gorgeous, (Y/N).”

Beautiful.

“Those girls don’t know what their talking about.”

Strong.

“Their jealous of you.”

Valuable.

“You’re important to a lot of people (Y/N).”

Needed.

Thomas took a gentle hold of your wrists. The only red was from a marker. Kissing your wrists He spoke against your skin.

“I’m proud of you, lovely. I really am.”

You leaned against him, drained from your cries.

“I’m sorry…” you murmur into his sleeve.

He shushes you quickly.

“Don’t be. You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing at all…”

You both stayed there for the longest while. Thomas holding you tightly and you snuggled close to him listening to his heart.

After a bit he carried you into the bedroom where he laid you down and covered you to the chin  

with a comforter. He quickly changed into sweatpants and crawled into bed with you. He wrapped you into another protective embrace before the two of you drifted into a deep sleep.