What Might Have Been

Aftermath..

 I heard the bedroom door opened from where I was seating in the kitchen, apparently, Lenny’s done preparing and ready to leave for her drawing class but I am still undecided whether to go home to Cavite and face Xian.

 It’s not like I haven’t talked to Xian after the kiss, we’ve actually talked on the phone and decided to move past it and forget about it. After all it was just an accident, just a moment of weakness for both of us. We’re just both drunk that’s why it happened, it’s no biggie.

 Are you sure? My infatuated self mocked, making me question myself once more. ‘With Xian, yeah it was probably because of alcohol’s effect, eh ikaw Kimberly? How sure are you na you were just drunk that’s why you kissed him back? Wasn’t it because you actually like him? You’ve been crushing on him since forever?’

  “Mommy Kim?” I heard Lenny calling from our quaint living room.

 “Kitchen!” I answered.

 “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you make a move now?” Lenny asked as soon as she saw me and took a seat in front of me. “Don’t tell me you’re not yet done sa pag e-emote mo?” She said with one raised eyebrow.

 I looked at her and shook my head. “ I don’t know Len, ayoko – hindi ko alam if kaya ko siya – sila makita.”

 “Sila? Sinong sila?” Lenny asked in confusion.

 “Si Xian and – JR. I’m so scared.. even embarrassed to see Xian after what happened, I mean ano  nang iisipin nya sa kin? And si JR,  my god, I don’t think I can still look him in the eyes!”

 “Look,” Leny reached and hold my hand on top of the table, “Sabi ko nga knina, stop beating yourself over something you cannot undo! It was just a moment of weakness, you don’t have to tell JR about it para wala nang gulo, kasi, it was nothing! It was nothing right Kim?” Lenny added trying to catch my eyes.

 “I don’t know Len,” I replied bowing my head, “I don’t know.. and it’s scaring me even more na I’m not entirely sure na wala lang sa kin yun.”

 “Mommy Kim..”

 “Xian’s been this childhood dream you see? He’s this childhood illusion that I had for the longest time, the prince on every fairytale I’ve day dreamed about. Tapos nangyari yun, when we kissed it felt..  It was magic Len, pure magic, like as though all my dreams are coming true, like I’m finally living my own happily ever after.” I confessed with eyes tearing up.

 “How about JR?” Lenny asked softly.

 “I love JR.” I replied firmly. “I love him I am certain of that, kaya nga gulong gulo na ko, I love JR but there’s Xian. He’s making me feel things I can’t explain.”

 “Alright Mommy Kim, I wish I have all the entire day to sit here with you and decipher what you fell for this Xian guy, but I don’t. I have a class to attend to that I cannot afford to miss, which I am so late by the way, so the only thing I can tell you is that..” Lenny paused to make sure that I am looking at her in the eye before continuing. “Things happen for a reason, be it to serve as a lesson, or reminder or even point us to the right direction, everything has reasons behind it. And those feelings you are feeling right now? There are reasons behind it as well, and it will be up to you to find out what are those or runaway from it.” She smiled and pressed my hand gently, “You’re my Mommy Kim, you’ll figure it out, remember you’re the one who told me not to run away from things that scare me?”

 “What if..”

 “Oh snap out of it Mommy Kim!” Lenny cut whatever apprehensive statement I was about to say. “Cut the pity party, hindi bagay sayo! And besides stop acting as if something disastrous happened, you kissed the guy you have a crushed with for the longest time, so what?  Mommy Kim ano ba? This is not so you. I really have to go, I better not see you here when I get back from class kasi naku papaluin na kita!” She threatened and walked to the door in a hurry.