I once was mighty.
I once had a purpose.
Until my life went downhill.
That was when I knew stoicism was keeping me going.
It was my sword and shield.
Then they came into my life and things changed slowly.
I wanted to reject feelings.
But that rejection was something I feared.
I strived for so long until it finally caught up to me.
Had a love of my life.
Had friends I called family.
GONE.
Taken from my own insufferable dejection.
I know they moved on.
Yet, for some reason I can't.
I CAN'T MOVE ON..
I WANTED TO.
I WAS CLINGING TO PURE DESPERATION.
Most people don't want to move on its due to the final connection to what they once had.
I'm suffering with my own delusion that I can be with them again.
But I know I'll never get the forgiveness from the one I wanted to say I'd love the most.
I wanted to tell them that but I was with another person during that time.
I probably guessed they knew that I did.
Now that I'm a vessel of my former glory.
I'm just trying to strive and survive while having this pain and trying to be the hope for others that they never had.
I knew the consequences, but I didn't want to believe it.
I wanted to pour my hear & feelings out.
Yet I was too stubborn to know I was breaking myself.
I tried to be happy for all of them and especially to this one person.
One a few came to talk to me but I never wanted to SUFFER.
If I had the chance to say I loved you.
I would have said.
"You never failed to make my the way I wanted to be. Happy, and easily getting along instead of behind a stubborn prick. No wonder why I was attracted to such beauty that changed who I was."
Cheesy, I know.
Now we've grown apart as strangers and if we talked again. That's if we ever do.
I hope you and the rest are doing ok.
