bleachy keen

A not so happy happy day

Sheila sat at the table, legs crossed, playing with the lace on her dress.
'The Germans don't want war!' Her father droned on and on, but Sheila's mind was elsewhere. Her whole family had gathered in her name, all of them excited for her news; her engagement. Everyone but her, that was. The previous summer, Gerald had been distant. Eric was off somewhere drunk out of his mind, Mrs Birling was out doing 'good for the world, by sitting behind a desk helping absolutely no one, and her Father, well he only had time for his work. But tonight, tonight, everyone was here at the dinner table. Dressed in their finest dinner clothes as they ate like royalty. They drank wine and laughed and ate soup and laughed and talked and laughed and Sheila? sheila wanted to die. The previous spring she had fallen in love. Real love, not whatever she had with Gerald. That love wasn't love, that was forced, arranged by her father as some sort of business proposal or peace treaty. No, what Sheila had last spring was something truer and deeper than this.
Eva Smith.
Her eyes were brown as the murky mysterious lake in the Birlings back garden, with hair cascading down her back like a waterfall. Eva Smith was quiet and reserved, poor as dirt, but Sheila liked that. It was a break from her dramatic family, her arranged marriage, her spinning head. Last spring, Sheila had loved like never before.

Her daydream was broken when Gerald pulled out a ring and handed it too her. His face annoyed her, his stupid nose and his stupid brown curls....nothing like Eva's curls.Eva's perfect nose.......perfect-

"Oh Gerald, you've got it- is it the one you wanted me to have?' But she didn't wait for his answer.
Instead she turned the ring over and over in her hands, feeling it's smooth platinum coating and rough diamond stone. She dragged it down her finger, wearing it like a burden. It felt like it burned her skin, like it would leave a mark, a bruise, a rash, but it didn't matter. She couldn't remove it now, She couldn't disappoint her Father anymore than she felt she already had. "I think it's perfect, now I really feel engaged!'

Now she really felt trapped.

Mr Birling continued to talk, and Sheila watched Gerald carefully. She inspected him. He agreed with everything her father said, he wanted to please him. He wanted to prove himself, perhaps he didn't feel he'd done enough. She scoffed. Was the fancy dinner and table spread not enough? Was the crack in her heart not enough? Oh he had done enough. Sheila was getting mad.
Her Father requested some time alone with Gerald.
-———————•———————-

A desperate attempt

Sheila left the room with her mother and Eric.
When they were in the parlor Mrs Birling stared at Sheila.
'Whatever is the matter with you tonight Sheila?' She asked disapprovingly, glaring at Sheila down her nose.
'Did you ever think mummy, that I don't want to marry Gerald? Sheila said making her way to the balcony door and opening it.

Mrs Birling was silent. She went ghost white. Eric smirked and beckoned Edna to pour him more port. He was going to enjoy watching this.
'WHAT DO YOU MEAN.' Mrs Birling bellowed.
'Did it ever cross your mind that perhaps I would like to find someone else, someone better? Do you ever wonder if I already have?'
Eric sprawled himself across the sofa and smiled.
Mrs Birling paused and looked at the door to make sure it was closed tight. Edna stood awkwardly by it, not sure if she should leave.

'You love Gerald, Sheila, you will marry Gerald, you will raise a family with Gerald and you will not put shame on the Birling OR Croft names.' Sheila stepped onto the balcony and took a deep breath in, her eyes stinging and ready to flood with emotion.